How does conflict avoidance affect intimacy in marriage?
The question is simple but has far-reaching implications for marital health. Conflict avoidance can be an attractive approach to keeping the peace at home, especially when one spouse is more prone to anger than the other.
It also comes with its own set of problems that may negatively impact intimacy in marriage. This article explores why it's important to address conflicts directly, how conflict avoidance can lead to resentment, and what steps couples can take to improve communication skills and build closeness despite their differences.
Why it's Important to Address Conflicts Directly
Couples who avoid dealing with conflict run the risk of letting small issues fester into larger ones. When disagreements go unaddressed, they grow bigger and become more difficult to resolve down the line.
Suppose a husband forgets to do the dishes after dinner because he was busy working late. If his wife brings up the issue immediately, there might be an awkward moment or two, but they could quickly move past it without any lasting harm.
If she lets it go for several days, weekends, or months, her frustration will likely build until she explodes in anger at some point - which will likely cause even more damage to their relationship than if she had brought up the issue earlier.
How Conflict Avoidance Leads to Resentment
When couples avoid addressing conflicts directly, they don't have a chance to work through them together as partners. Instead, each person develops their own version of reality about what happened and why, leading to misunderstandings and hurt feelings on both sides.
This pattern can erode trust and respect between spouses, causing one partner to feel ignored, disrespected, or taken advantage of while the other feels smothered or criticized. This can create resentment that builds over time into bitterness, contempt, and animosity – all of which are damaging to intimacy in marriage.
Improving Communication Skills
Couples can improve their communication skills to promote healthy intimacy despite differences. The first step is learning how to listen actively by paraphrasing back what your partner has said to make sure you understand before responding with your own thoughts or opinions. You should also use "I" statements rather than "you" statements when sharing your own perspective. For example: "I felt upset when you forgot to do the dishes again after dinner" rather than "You never do anything around here!" It's important to express gratitude regularly for things your partner does well (even if it's not everything), and to apologize sincerely when necessary.
Practice active listening - really pay attention when your partner speaks so you can empathize with their point of view.
How does conflict avoidance affect intimacy in marriage?
Conflict avoidance can have a negative impact on intimacy in marriage because it prevents couples from openly communicating their feelings and needs with each other. This leads to resentment, frustration, and misunderstanding, which can further deteriorate the relationship over time. In addition, when conflicts are avoided, they tend to build up and become bigger issues that are harder to resolve later on.