Sexuality is an important part of any relationship, including those between military couples who are trying to reconnect after being apart for extended periods of time.
There can be challenges when it comes to communicating sexual needs and desires due to the trauma associated with deployments and deployments themselves. For some couples, this can lead to disconnection from each other's physical and emotional needs, which can further exacerbate stress levels. In order to overcome these challenges, unique forms of communication may emerge that allow partners to express their needs without triggering negative responses or reopening old wounds.
One such form of communication is using "I statements" instead of accusatory language. Instead of saying something like, "You never pay attention to me during sex," a partner might say, "I feel unappreciated during sex." This allows them to express their frustration while also avoiding blame or guilt-tripping the other person. Another strategy is to talk openly about what they need in terms of touch and intimacy.
One partner might say, "I want you to hold me close before we start having sex." By being explicit about their desires, they are more likely to get what they need without fear of causing unnecessary upset.
Another strategy is to set boundaries around sex itself.
One partner might tell the other, "When we have sex, I don't want to talk about anything work-related," or, "I only want to be touched in certain ways." This helps create a safe space where they can focus on connecting with each other rather than being distracted by external factors. It also allows for a sense of control over the situation, which can reduce anxiety levels.
Couples may engage in non-sexual activities together as a way of building trust and connection. This could include going on dates or doing fun things together, such as hiking or cooking a new recipe. These activities help foster closeness and understanding outside of the bedroom, making it easier for both partners to communicate when they do finally come together physically.
Military couples who prioritize communication and establish clear expectations around sexuality can overcome common challenges that arise from deployments and reintegration. By using "I statements," setting boundaries, and engaging in non-sexual activities, they can strengthen their bond while also expressing themselves in healthy and productive ways.
What unique forms of communication emerge among military couples attempting to express sexual needs without triggering stress responses or retraumatization?
Military couples may employ various strategies to communicate their sexual needs while navigating trauma and stressful experiences. One such strategy is to be open and honest with each other about their desires and preferences, but avoid overly graphic or explicit language that could trigger memories of combat or trauma.