The psychological discomfort associated with feeling aggrieved or unhappy about something perceived to be unjust is called resentment. It can manifest itself in various ways, including emotional pain, anger, bitterness, envy, jealousy, indignation, and animosity. Resentment often has negative consequences for one's physical and mental health, leading to stress, anxiety, depression, heart disease, ulcers, insomnia, and reduced immune function.
It is a common human experience that can be found in all kinds of social interactions, including marital ones. Resentment plays an important role in marriage dissatisfaction because it can lead to negative outcomes such as conflict, criticism, withdrawal, defensiveness, contempt, hostility, stonewalling, and infidelity.
Resentment can arise when spouses feel hurt, betrayed, exploited, cheated, or humiliated by their partner's actions or words.
They may be upset if their partner prioritizes work over family time, neglects them emotionally, fails to acknowledge their needs or desires, or does not show appreciation for their efforts. They may also become resentful if their partner is critical, insensitive, selfish, inconsiderate, manipulative, demanding, or domineering. These issues can undermine trust and intimacy, creating distance between partners and making them less committed to each other.
Resentment can stem from external factors such as financial difficulties, health problems, parenting challenges, job pressures, cultural differences, and relationship expectations. It can also result from past experiences with unsupportive parents, peers, teachers, bosses, or significant others. As a result, resentment becomes internalized and generalized, affecting how spouses perceive themselves, others, and the world around them. This can cause them to see their partner as a threat or enemy and to engage in negative behaviors such as blaming, shaming, blaming-shaming, or silent treatment.
To address marital resentment, couples must first identify its root causes and acknowledge it openly. This requires active listening, validation, empathy, and respect for each other's perspectives. Then, they should develop effective communication skills that promote understanding, cooperation, and mutual support.
They might agree on shared goals, set boundaries, negotiate compromises, share household chores, and seek professional help when needed.
They should work together to resolve conflicts, forgive one another, express gratitude, and build trust.
Resentment can be managed through self-awareness, mindfulness, and positive coping strategies like exercise, meditation, therapy, or counseling.
What role does resentment play in marital dissatisfaction?
Resentment can lead to marital dissatisfaction because it is an emotion that can have negative consequences on both parties involved. When one party feels hurt by their partner's actions or words, they may start to feel angry and resentful towards them. This anger and resentment can build up over time and create tension between the couple, leading to arguments and communication breakdowns.