The impact of traumatic experiences such as war, abuse, natural disasters, accidents, or illnesses can have lasting effects on an individual's mental health and wellbeing. These events can cause feelings of fear, anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), which may result in changes in behavior, thoughts, and emotions. Relationships are also affected, especially when it comes to trust between partners. Trauma survivors may struggle to feel safe, secure, and comfortable in their relationships because they become hypervigilant to potential threats from others around them. This heightened sense of alertness makes it difficult for couples to connect and be vulnerable with each other, leading to decreased relational and sexual intimacy.
There are ways that couples can rebuild trust after trauma through communication, empathy, understanding, and support. By learning how to navigate these challenges together, they can create a stronger bond and build a more resilient relationship. In this article, we will explore some strategies for rebuilding trust after trauma using real-life examples and evidence-based research. Let's begin by examining the concept of emotional availability in relation to trust in a relationship.
Emotional Availability and Trust in Relationships: How Can Couples Rebuild After Trauma?
The first step towards building trust is understanding what emotional availability means in a relationship. Emotional availability refers to the degree to which people allow themselves to be emotionally open and accessible to others. It involves being able to express one's emotions freely and honestly without fear or judgment. When someone feels emotionally available, they are likely to be more attentive, responsive, and engaged with their partner. They are willing to share their thoughts, feelings, and experiences and listen actively to their partner's perspectives. This level of emotional connection helps foster mutual trust and respect between partners.
When trauma occurs, survivors may become less emotionally available due to fear and anxiety about sharing their inner worlds. As a result, they may withdraw from their relationships and become distant or avoidant. This lack of emotional availability can lead to decreased intimacy and trust between partners. The good news is that couples can work on rebuilding trust through communication, empathy, understanding, and support. Here are four strategies for doing so:
1. Active Listening and Empathy: When one partner shares their experiences, the other should practice active listening and empathy. This involves fully engaging with their partner's words, asking clarifying questions, and acknowledging their feelings. By showing compassion and understanding, the listener demonstrates that they care about their partner's wellbeing and want to understand their perspective.
If one partner has experienced sexual trauma, the other can validate their experience by saying, "I hear you. That must have been very difficult."
2. Honesty and Transparency: Couples need to communicate openly and honestly about their thoughts and feelings. Traumatic events may have caused changes in behavior or beliefs, leading to tension and conflict within the relationship. Open dialogue allows both partners to express their concerns, fears, and expectations without judgment.
If one partner feels anxious about sex after experiencing sexual trauma, they can talk about it with their partner and explore ways to overcome those challenges together.
3. Mutual Respect and Support: Trust requires mutual respect and support. Partners should listen to each other and show appreciation for their unique perspectives and needs. They should also offer practical support when needed, such as helping with household chores or attending therapy appointments. This shows that they value their partner and want them to succeed in all areas of life.
One partner might say to the other, "I know how hard your job is, but I am here to help if you need me."
4. Positive Self-Talk and Affirmations:
Couples can rebuild trust through positive self-talk and affirmations. This involves recognizing their strengths, accomplishments, and resilience in the face of adversity. By focusing on what they do well rather than what they lack, couples can build a sense of confidence and optimism in themselves and their relationship.
One partner could tell the other, "You are brave for facing this challenge head-on. I believe in you." By following these strategies, couples can increase emotional availability and restore trust in their relationships after trauma. It takes time and patience, but with commitment and communication, it is possible to create a more fulfilling and meaningful connection. In summary, emotional availability plays a crucial role in building trust between partners. When one partner becomes less emotionally available due to trauma, there may be challenges in communication, intimacy, and sexuality.
By practicing active listening, honesty, mutual respect, and positive self-talk, couples can work towards restoring trust and creating a stronger bond.
In what ways do couples rebuild relational and sexual trust when emotional availability fluctuates post-trauma?
There are many ways in which couples can work on rebuilding relational and sexual trust after experiencing traumatic events. One way is by practicing open communication with each other. This involves actively listening to one another's needs and feelings, expressing them clearly, and seeking understanding from each other. Couples may also benefit from engaging in activities that promote intimacy and connection, such as sharing personal stories, cuddling, or going on dates.