The process of recovery from war can be long and difficult for soldiers who have experienced traumatic events during their service. For many individuals, the return to civilian life is marked by changes in intimate relationships that can be difficult to navigate. This may include challenges with communication, trust, physical intimacy, and emotional closeness. These issues are often compounded by the fact that returning soldiers may feel isolated or alone due to their experiences.
They may struggle with feelings of guilt, shame, or PTSD which can make it hard to connect with loved ones. Fortunately, there are steps that both veterans and their partners can take to rebuild intimacy after deployment. The key is understanding what has changed and working together to create new routines and expectations.
What Is Intimacy?
Intimacy refers to the close connection between two people based on mutual trust, respect, affection, and shared experiences. It involves physical touching, but also includes emotional bonds that go beyond just sexual desire. When two people share an intimate relationship, they feel comfortable being vulnerable with each other and expressing themselves openly. They communicate honestly about their needs and desires without fear of judgement or rejection. Intimacy requires effort and time; it takes time to build a strong bond with someone else.
The benefits of having a close relationship are worth the investment.
How Do Deployment-Related Disruptions Affect Intimacy?
Deployment-related disruptions can cause a range of changes in intimacy for military personnel. Some common issues include:
1. Communication breakdowns: Soldiers who have been deployed may find it difficult to talk about their experiences or express their feelings, leading to misunderstandings and frustration. This can result in tension within the relationship.
2. Trust issues: Traumatic events during war can damage trust, making soldiers reluctant to confide in their partner. This can lead to distance and resentment over time.
3. Physical intimacy challenges: Returning soldiers may struggle with sexual performance anxiety due to PTSD symptoms or other trauma responses. This can make them feel less confident in their abilities and make their partners feel rejected or unsupported.
4. Emotional closeness: Veterans often report feeling distant from loved ones after deployment, which can be hard on relationships. They may withdraw emotionally or become more reserved around those they care about.
5. Isolation: Lack of social support and community connections can make returning soldiers feel isolated from civilian life. This can further strain relationships as they try to adjust to new routines.
6. Loss of identity: Many veterans experience difficulty reintegrating into society and miss the structure of military life. This can make them feel like they no longer fit in with family and friends, impacting their ability to connect emotionally.
7. Guilt and shame: Soldiers may feel guilty or ashamed for what they've experienced or done during war. These feelings can create barriers between themselves and their partner, preventing true connection.
Rebuilding Intimacy After Deployment-Related Disruptions
Rebuilding intimacy after deployment requires effort and patience from both partners. It takes time to heal emotional wounds and establish a new level of trust. Some strategies that can help include:
1. Communication: The key to any successful relationship is good communication. Talk openly and honestly about your experiences, fears, needs, and desires without judgement. Listen actively to your partner's perspective and try to understand where they are coming from.
2. Establish boundaries: Setting clear boundaries around physical and emotional intimacy helps ensure everyone feels safe and supported. Discuss expectations and limitations upfront so there are no surprises later on.
3. Seek professional help: If you or your partner need additional support, consider seeing a therapist together to work through issues such as PTSD, depression, or anxiety. A trained professional can provide objective guidance and strategies for managing challenges.
4. Reconnect with each other: Try activities that bring you closer together physically and emotionally, such as date nights, vacations, or shared hobbies. This can help rebuild the foundation of your relationship and build trust again.
5. Embrace vulnerability: Share your fears, struggles, and accomplishments with each other. Be willing to be vulnerable and take risks in order to grow closer.
6. Practice self-care: Take care of yourself by engaging in healthy habits like exercise, nutrition, meditation, and relaxation techniques. This will improve overall wellbeing and make it easier to connect with others.
7. Be patient: Recovering from deployment trauma takes time, so don't give up hope if progress seems slow. Keep working at it and know that healing is possible over time.
Intimacy is an essential part of any strong relationship, but it can be especially challenging after military service. By understanding the effects of deployment on intimacy and taking steps to rebuild connection, couples can find new ways to connect and support one another. With patience, effort, and commitment, veterans and their partners can create a loving bond that lasts long into the future.
How do soldiers recover intimacy after deployment-related disruptions or trauma?
Soldiers may experience difficulty rebuilding their intimate relationships after being deployed due to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), changes in interpersonal dynamics, and challenges related to communication. PTSD can lead to hypervigilance, nightmares, anxiety, irritability, and insomnia, making it difficult for individuals to focus on and process their partner's needs.