Past Relationship Trauma and Sexual Attraction
Affective past experiences shape how people perceive themselves, others, and their surroundings. For some individuals, this can result in difficulty feeling sexual attraction towards potential partners. This phenomenon is often linked to unresolved traumatic experiences related to previous romantic relationships.
Definition of Trauma
Trauma refers to an event that causes psychological distress due to its severity and/or unexpectedness. It may be physical, emotional, social, or sexual in nature. When it occurs repeatedly, it is called "complex trauma" or "developmental trauma". Complex trauma may manifest as symptoms such as dissociation, avoidance, hypervigilance, numbing, helplessness, and hopelessness. The experience of complex trauma tends to last for months or years rather than days or weeks.
Emotions During Sexual Encounters
Trauma survivors may feel fearful during intimate encounters because they associate them with danger or loss of control. They may relive their past trauma, creating anxiety and panic attacks. Survivors of abuse may also have flashbacks, nightmares, or intrusive thoughts about the abuser. These feelings interfere with arousal, leading to a loss of interest in sex. Some even believe that all men are dangerous and untrustworthy after one negative experience.
Effect on Desire
Survivors may also struggle with desire issues. After experiencing a betrayal, they may become wary of being vulnerable again. They may perceive themselves as damaged goods, believing they are unlovable or undesirable. Their self-esteem suffers, making it difficult to initiate intimacy or pursue new relationships. They may reject potential partners who show signs of affection.
Coping Mechanisms
Coping mechanisms can help individuals manage these challenges.
Survivors may engage in compulsive behaviors like excessive work, gambling, or substance use to distract from feelings of pain and shame. Others may try to compensate by becoming hypersexual or engaging in risky sexual activities. This only exacerbates their insecurities and lowers their self-esteem further.
Resolving Past Traumas
Resolving past traumas involves acknowledging and processing the emotions associated with them. Cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) and other psychotherapies such as EMDR can be helpful here. Working with a mental health professional allows individuals to gain insight into their patterns and develop coping strategies for regaining control over their lives. With time and effort, individuals can learn to trust and connect meaningfully with others.
How does past relationship trauma affect the ability to feel sexual attraction?
The ability of an individual to feel sexual attraction may be influenced by their experiences from past relationships. It is difficult for them to fully engage in intimacy due to fear, trust issues, or even post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). A study suggests that individuals who have experienced trauma in a previous relationship may find it challenging to initiate new romantic interests because they are hypervigilant towards potential dangers in future partners.