When people are attracted to someone and want to be close to them, they may idealize their partner's personality and desires. They might believe that this person is perfect and will make them happy forever. This can lead to an intense feeling of attachment which is called emotional idealization.
However, it becomes clear that no one is really perfect. It turns out that the object of their affections has flaws just like everyone else. They might start to feel disappointment because their partner doesn't live up to the expectations they had created in their mind. The disillusionment is often caused by unrealistic ideas about what love should look like, which were formed during childhood.
People who have grown up with neglectful parents tend to focus on things they do not get from them such as affection and attention. They become emotionally dependent on those feelings in adulthood, and when these needs are not met, they get angry or sad. They then transfer these negative emotions onto their partners, creating unreasonable expectations for their relationships.
Emotional idealization leads to disillusionment when people confuse a romantic fantasy with reality. When two people start dating, they create their own mythology around each other based on how they perceive the relationship. These stories often involve exaggerated versions of the good times they spend together, while ignoring any potential downsides. As more evidence accumulates over time, their vision of the relationship shifts into something less idealized.
A couple might initially think they never argue, but after living together for years, they begin to see their differences more clearly. They may realize that one person is messy and the other wants everything in order, or that one likes spontaneity and the other prefers routine. This can cause conflict, causing the relationship to change in ways that go against the initial image they had of it.
Another way idealization leads to disillusionment is through projection. People sometimes project their own desires onto their partner, imagining them to be something they want or need.
Someone might believe that they will find happiness in marriage because their parental figures had successful marriages. If this expectation goes unmet, however, they might feel resentful towards their partner for failing to meet it.
Emotional idealization often leads to disillusionment after intimacy because it creates false expectations about what love should look like and who our partner should be. It's important to recognize when we are doing this so we can avoid disappointment later on by being realistic from the beginning.
Why does emotional idealization often lead to disillusionment after intimacy?
Emotional idealization is the process of attributing positive qualities and characteristics to someone that are not objectively true. It can occur when we develop an unrealistic perception of another individual, which may stem from our own desires and needs, rather than actual facts. When this happens, it can be difficult for us to accept reality and be realistic about their flaws or limitations.