Enduring relationships are characterized by a high level of intimacy and emotional closeness, which often result in less novelty and excitement than new relationships. This can lead to a decreased sense of sexual attraction and a reduced desire for physical intimacy over time.
Research shows that many couples continue to experience strong feelings of love and affection even after years of being together. There are several psychological mechanisms at play that help them sustain their attraction despite this familiarity and predictability. One such mechanism is attachment theory. Attachment theory proposes that humans form close bonds with others based on feelings of safety and security, and these bonds provide comfort and support during times of stress. In enduring relationships, partners become each other's safe haven, providing a reliable source of comfort and support through both good and bad times. This creates a strong bond between the couple, making it more difficult for them to imagine life without one another.
Another mechanism is self-expansion theory. According to this theory, individuals gain more from a relationship than just themselves; they also benefit from the growth and development of their partner. When couples work together towards shared goals or engage in activities outside of their usual routine, they expand their horizons and experience new challenges and opportunities. This helps keep the relationship fresh and exciting, even as it becomes more predictable and familiar.
Cognitive dissonance theory suggests that individuals will work to reduce any inconsistencies between their beliefs and behaviors. If a couple begins to take each other for granted, they may experience dissonance, motivating them to find ways to rekindle their romantic spark.
They might plan special dates or surprise gifts for each other.
Couples can use sexual attraction as a tool to maintain interest in each other over time. Physical intimacy provides a sense of excitement and novelty that keeps the relationship dynamic and exciting. As a result, many couples continue to prioritize physical intimacy and sex in their relationships, even after years of being together. They may experiment with new positions or try role-playing to spice up their sexual encounters. By using these mechanisms, couples can sustain their attraction and commitment despite the predictability and familiarity of enduring relationships.
How do couples psychologically sustain attraction despite familiarity and predictability in enduring relationships?
Couples who are able to maintain their feelings of attraction towards each other despite the predictability and familiarity of their relationship often engage in activities that allow them to rediscover the unique qualities they find attractive about one another. These activities can include spending time apart, engaging in new hobbies together, trying out new roles in the bedroom, and focusing on personal growth as individuals.