What is Relational Empathy?
Relational empathy is the ability to perceive and feel the emotions of others, including their needs and desires, without imposing one's own ideas and perspectives onto them. It involves understanding the person's viewpoint from within their frame of reference, and accepting their feelings and experiences as valid and legitimate, even if they are different from your own. This means being able to imagine what it might be like to be in that person's shoes and experience the world through their eyes. In romantic and sexual relationships, relational empathy can involve sharing each other's thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations while engaging in intimate activities such as kissing, touching, and intercourse. It also includes being mindful of each partner's boundaries and preferences, and respecting them.
Why does Emotional Asymmetry Occur?
Emotional asymmetry arises when there is an imbalance in how partners perceive or express their emotions. This can result from stress, trauma, fatigue, or other factors that affect mood, cognition, and behavior.
One partner may become overwhelmed by a demanding job, leading to frustration and irritability towards the other. Another factor could be past traumatic events that have left scars on the partner's psyche, making it difficult for them to connect emotionally with their partner. Fatigue from work, family responsibilities, or personal issues can also lead to emotional withdrawal and detachment. These situations create barriers between partners that make it challenging to maintain relational empathy.
How Partners Maintain Relational Empathy During Stress, Trauma, or Fatigue
Despite these challenges, couples can still find ways to maintain relational empathy during times of stress, trauma, or fatigue. Here are some strategies:
1. Communication: One way to bridge the gap created by emotional asymmetry is through open communication. Couples should discuss what they are feeling, why they feel that way, and how they would like to be supported or understood. They should listen actively to their partner's concerns without judgment or criticism. Active listening involves paraphrasing and summarizing what was said to ensure understanding, asking clarifying questions, and acknowledging feelings. This approach helps both partners feel heard and validated.
2. Self-care: Both partners must take care of themselves physically and mentally to reduce tension and prevent burnout. Taking time out for hobbies, exercise, meditation, or relaxation can help alleviate anxiety and depression. Seeking professional support such as therapy or counseling can address underlying issues causing stress and promote healing.
3. Scheduling: Incorporating intimacy into daily routines can help keep relationships strong even when life gets hectic. Schedule regular date nights, sex sessions, or romantic dinners to reconnect with each other emotionally and physically. Make sure to plan activities that both partners enjoy so there is something to look forward to together.
4. Negotiation: Couples can negotiate boundaries around work, family responsibilities, or other commitments that may interfere with their relationship. Setting clear expectations and priorities can prevent misunderstandings and resentment.
If one partner works long hours, they might agree to check in regularly to maintain a sense of connection.
5. Empathy exercises: Partners can practice relational empathy by taking turns sharing emotions and perspectives without interrupting or judging the other. They should try to imagine how the other feels and ask open-ended questions to gain insight into their worldview. These exercises build trust, understanding, and compassion between partners.
6. Gratitude: Recognizing what you appreciate about your partner can improve your mood and strengthen your bond. Write down positive experiences or qualities about them and express gratitude regularly. This can also help counteract negative thoughts and feelings that arise from stress and trauma.
Relational empathy requires effort and patience during times of stress, trauma, or fatigue.
It is essential for healthy relationships because it fosters closeness, trust, and mutual support. By practicing these strategies, couples can maintain relational empathy despite emotional asymmetry and create a stronger, more fulfilling connection.
How do partners maintain relational empathy when stress, trauma, or fatigue creates emotional asymmetry?
Partners can maintain relational empathy by communicating their feelings with each other, creating space for vulnerability, validating one another's experiences, and recognizing the unique challenges that each individual faces during times of distress, trauma, or exhaustion. They should also practice active listening and engage in nonverbal forms of communication such as touch and physical affection.