The idea that people may experience emotional turmoil when they feel both attracted to another person and repelled by them is not new.
The question of how people deal with these feelings has become increasingly important for psychologists and relationship experts alike. In this article, I will explore some of the most common strategies that individuals use to manage their conflicting impulses and why understanding these patterns can be essential for maintaining healthy relationships.
One strategy that individuals employ is compartmentalization. This involves separating out one's feelings towards someone into different boxes so that they do not interfere with each other.
An individual might view themselves as professionals who are only interested in business matters when interacting with a client but then allow themselves to let down their guard around friends. By keeping the two sides separate, they can avoid feeling confused or ambivalent about whether to pursue a romantic connection or remain platonic.
Another strategy is reframing. This involves changing one's perception of the situation to make it more palatable or less threatening.
If someone experiences intense anxiety around physical intimacy due to past trauma, they might tell themselves that touching a partner is just "for show" or part of what makes them feel loved and wanted. This way, they can engage in activities without worrying about being overwhelmed by negative emotions.
A third strategy is avoidance. Some individuals choose to simply ignore their conflicting impulses or actively try to suppress them. They may withdraw from interactions with others or engage in risky behaviors like substance abuse or promiscuity to distract themselves from the painful feelings. While this approach may offer temporary relief, it often comes at the cost of deeper emotional issues that need to be addressed.
How people manage their conflicting impulses depends on a variety of factors such as personality type, life experience, cultural background, and current circumstances.
Understanding these patterns can help us better support our partners and ourselves in navigating difficult situations. Whether we use compartmentalization, reframing, or avoidance, it's essential to acknowledge that there are always underlying reasons for why we feel the way we do and find healthy ways to express those feelings rather than repressing them.
How do individuals manage conflicting impulses to seek closeness and withdraw emotionally due to unresolved trauma?
Conflicting impulses to seek closeness and withdraw emotionally can be difficult for individuals with unresolved trauma. To understand how they might manage these impulses, it is important to consider the psychological, emotional, and sociocultural factors that influence their behavior. Trauma can cause an individual to experience intense feelings of fear, anxiety, and vulnerability which may lead them to seek out closeness as a way to feel safe and secure.