There is no doubt that emotions play a crucial role in human behavior and are one of the most fundamental elements of social interaction. Emotional states have been shown to be a significant factor in determining how individuals react to stressors, including interpersonal conflict. One way to cope with such situations is through emotional avoidance, which involves distancing oneself from feelings or experiences that may trigger strong negative reactions. This approach has proven effective for military personnel during combat operations where they must suppress their emotions to remain focused on completing their mission.
This same tactic can undermine the development of healthy sexual relationships and responsiveness within them. In this article, we will explore how emotional avoidance may affect both physical and relational aspects of romantic encounters.
Emotional avoidance is a common strategy used by people to regulate their emotions and prevent the escalation of unpleasant feelings. It involves consciously trying not to think about or engage with certain topics, thoughts, memories, or sensations that could lead to distress. When applied to sexual intimacy, it can result in a lack of connection between partners who try to hide their true selves out of fear of being judged or rejected.
Someone might pretend they do not enjoy certain sexual acts when they genuinely want to try something new but feel insecure about doing so. By closing off communication and ignoring each other's needs, emotional avoidance can create distance and distance in the relationship.
This disengagement is further exacerbated by the fact that many people become less attuned to one another as time passes.
Couples may start to assume they know what their partner wants without truly listening or considering their desires, leading to misunderstandings and hurt feelings. This phenomenon is known as "emotional avoidance" or the idea that individuals do not want to address their own emotions because they find them too overwhelming or challenging. Emotionally avoidant behaviors such as withdrawing from conversations or engaging in superficial interactions are common in many relationships.
While there are benefits to using this coping mechanism during combat operations, it also has significant drawbacks for those attempting to establish healthy romantic bonds. Relational responsiveness refers to the ability to understand others' emotions and respond appropriately based on these insights. Without this quality, partners may struggle to form strong connections and experience physical intimacy due to a lack of understanding.
If one partner feels uncomfortable with kissing in public, but the other does not recognize this, they may not be able to express their needs effectively and find satisfaction in the relationship.
When both partners rely on emotional avoidance, they risk becoming disconnected emotionally and physically. If two people constantly hide their true selves from one another, they will never truly connect on an intimate level. This can lead to feelings of loneliness and isolation within the relationship, which can further erode trust and communication. It can even affect sexual performance, leading to reduced arousal or difficulty reaching orgasm. When individuals shut off from their partners' signals, they may miss out on important cues that could help them achieve mutual pleasure.
While emotional avoidance is necessary for survival in certain situations like military operations, it undermines sexual presence and relational responsiveness by creating distance between partners. To maintain a healthy romantic bond, couples must work together to overcome these obstacles through open communication, active listening, and empathetic understanding. By doing so, they can create a stronger connection built on honesty, trust, and mutual respect.
How does emotional avoidance, often necessary for combat, undermine sexual presence and relational responsiveness?
Emotional avoidance is defined as the tendency of an individual to suppress, ignore or deny their own emotions (Schafer & Fraley, 2014). This can be particularly prevalent among individuals who serve in the military, where they are required to engage in potentially traumatic situations on a regular basis.