What is Validation?
Validation involves an act of affirming someone's feelings, thoughts, actions, or beliefs. It can be verbal or nonverbal communication that accepts, acknowledges, or approves something as valid.
"Your concerns are reasonable," "You make good choices," or "That looks nice."
Why Is Validation Important?
Validation is important because it helps people feel understood, accepted, appreciated, supported, heard, and valued. Validation fosters trust, openness, honesty, and security. When others validate our needs, wants, opinions, ideas, emotions, and decisions, they show care and respect. This makes them more likely to confide in us and listen to us. They may trust us enough to share secrets or vulnerabilities.
How Does Validation Play a Role in Trust?
When someone feels validated, they feel closer to another person. The other person seems reliable, understanding, empathetic, attentive, and interested in their wellbeing. They seem like a safe place to share themselves without judgment or rejection. This builds trust and deepens intimacy.
Two partners who validate each other's sexual preferences build greater trust than those who dismiss them. Validation reduces defensiveness and conflict while increasing trustworthiness and connection.
Examples of Validating Unusual Preferences
Some unusual preferences might include BDSM, fetishes, kinks, polyamory, transgenderism, or alternative lifestyles. When someone shares an unusual preference with a partner, friend, family member, or coworker, validation can be powerful. It shows that the listener cares about the speaker's happiness and values their uniqueness. Examples of validating phrases include:
- "That sounds interesting"
- "Tell me more"
- "You have my full support"
- "I appreciate your honestly"
- "Let's talk about it later"
- "I accept you as you are"
- "You deserve happiness"
- "I am here for you"
Why Some People Don't Validate
Some people don't validate because they find certain topics uncomfortable or disagreeable. Others may lack self-awareness, tact, sensitivity, knowledge, or emotional skills. Some fear losing relationships over differing beliefs. Some worry about offending others by invalidating them. Still, others struggle with shame, guilt, or trauma related to unusual preferences. They may feel insecure, embarrassed, pressured, confused, threatened, or angry.
Validating Difficult Topics
It is challenging to validate difficult topics like addictions, mental illnesses, traumas, abuses, or betrayals. These situations often cause pain, distress, anxiety, anger, sadness, or confusion. Yet, validation offers comfort, care, empathy, hope, healing, strength, peace, empowerment, and progress.
Someone might say:
- "This must be hard to deal with"
- "How can I help?"
- "What do you need from me?"
- "I understand"
- "I believe in you"
- "Can we work through this together?"
- "You deserve better than that"
- "Your feelings matter"
Validation helps build trust through acceptance, affirmation, openness, honesty, understanding, empathy, compassion, respect, and support. It shows that a person is valued for their thoughts, actions, needs, opinions, ideas, emotions, and decisions. Validation promotes growth, intimacy, connection, vulnerability, safety, security, loyalty, and satisfaction. When someone validates another's unique wants, they foster closeness and reliability while creating an environment of love and trust.
What role does validation of unusual preferences play in trust?
Validation of unusual preferences plays an important role in establishing trust because it encourages people to be open about their unique perspectives and values. By validating others' perspectives, we acknowledge their individuality and respect their autonomy, which creates a sense of belonging and inclusion. This can lead to deeper connections and greater understanding between individuals, fostering trust.