How do couples co-create relational safety and intimacy when trauma has disrupted veterans' capacity for mutual vulnerability?
Veterans have experienced different types of trauma during their military service that may have a significant impact on their mental health. Trauma can lead to an increase in anxiety, depression, and posttraumatic stress disorder symptoms (PTSD), which can make it challenging to build trust and develop intimacy in relationships.
There are several ways that couples can co-create relational safety and intimacy even when trauma has disrupted the ability to be vulnerable. In this article, we will explore some strategies that can help veterans and their partners work together to create a safe space where they can share themselves openly without fear of judgment or rejection.
Recognizing the effects of trauma
Trauma is a psychological response to experiencing or witnessing a distressing event. It involves a person feeling helpless, hopeless, or out of control, leading to feelings of shame, guilt, anger, fear, and anxiety. When a veteran experiences trauma during their military service, such as combat, sexual assault, or exposure to violence, it can alter their perceptions of the world and make them feel unsafe in any environment. This can result in difficulty connecting with others and forming close relationships.
It can cause flashbacks, nightmares, hypervigilance, and other symptoms associated with PTSD, making it difficult for veterans to relax and engage fully with their partner.
Creating a safe space
One way that couples can co-create relational safety is by creating a safe space for each other. This means establishing clear boundaries, setting expectations, and communicating honestly about needs.
A couple could agree on what kinds of touch are acceptable and which areas are off-limits, such as the bedroom door being left open while getting dressed. Another strategy is to set up regular check-ins where both partners express how they're doing emotionally and physically. This allows for transparency and creates an atmosphere of trust between them. Veterans can also work with mental health professionals who specialize in treating PTSD and relationship issues, like Trauma Focused CBT (TF-CBT). TF-CBT helps individuals manage their emotions more effectively and reduces the impact of traumatic memories on their lives. By working together towards healing, couples can create a stronger bond and improve intimacy.
Building vulnerability and trust
Vulnerability is essential for building intimacy because it involves sharing oneself authentically without fear of judgment or rejection.
When trauma has disrupted a person's ability to be vulnerable, it may take time and effort to overcome these barriers. One approach is practicing self-compassion, which involves recognizing one's worthiness and validating one's feelings without judgment. It involves acknowledging that you have experienced something difficult and giving yourself the love and support you need to heal. Partners can also practice active listening skills, such as reflective listening, empathic listening, and validation, which allow them to show compassion and understanding towards each other. This helps build trust and closeness in the relationship, allowing for greater vulnerability over time.
Working through conflicts constructively
Conflicts are normal in relationships but can become challenging when veterans struggle with anxiety and anger management due to trauma. Couples can learn effective conflict resolution strategies, such as using "I" statements instead of "you" statements, taking breaks during intense discussions, and finding common ground. They can also seek assistance from mental health professionals who specialize in PTSD and relationship issues.
They could work with a marriage counselor who specializes in trauma-informed therapy, such as EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), which helps individuals process traumatic memories in a safe and controlled environment. By working together on resolving conflicts, couples can build intimacy and create a stronger bond over time.
Building relational safety and intimacy takes time and effort, especially when trauma has disrupted a person's ability to be vulnerable.
By creating a safe space, building vulnerability and trust, and working through conflicts constructively, couples can improve their connection and develop a deeper level of intimacy. Veterans should seek help if they feel stuck or overwhelmed so that they can heal from trauma and rebuild their relationships.
How do couples co-create relational safety and intimacy when trauma has disrupted veterans' capacity for mutual vulnerability?
One way that couples can create relational safety and intimacy is by openly discussing their respective experiences with trauma, which may involve feeling unsafe and insecure around each other. Couples need to be patient, empathetic, and non-judgmental as they navigate these difficult conversations. Additionally, engaging in activities together such as exercise, cooking, or going on walks can help promote bonding and trust.