Attachment is an emotional bond between people that develops from repeated interactions and close proximity. Attachment can be positive, negative, or neutral, depending on how much caregivers meet children's needs for comfort, safety, and security. When soldiers go into battle, they must suppress their natural attachments to others so that they can focus solely on surviving. This is called "survival mode," because it involves putting all their energy toward staying alive. But soldiers also have relational ambivalence, which is when they feel conflicted about having strong feelings for someone while knowing they need to protect themselves.
Relational ambivalence is especially common among soldiers who are in long-term relationships before going to war. They may fear losing their partner if they die in combat but also fear being distracted by love during life-and-death situations. Soldiers often cope with this conflict by creating distance between themselves and their loved ones through physical or emotional separation. Some even create fake personas to hide their true selves from family members while fighting abroad.
These strategies may backfire if they make returning home more difficult than expected.
When soldiers come home from battle, they may struggle with reintegrating into civilian life due to their relational ambivalence.
A soldier may want to spend time with his wife but feel guilty doing so because he has lost comrades overseas. He may try to convince himself that he doesn't deserve to be happy while grieving for his friends. Or he may avoid intimacy altogether because of PTSD symptoms like hypervigilance and flashbacks. In some cases, attachment issues related to trauma can persist for years after deployment ends.
To manage relational ambivalence, soldiers must find ways to balance their attachment needs with survival strategies. One way to do this is to practice self-care rituals that help them detach from the past and focus on the present moment. This could include mindfulness meditation, yoga, journaling, or spending time with supportive friends. Another strategy is to communicate openly about feelings without blame or shame. By talking about conflicting emotions and needs, couples can develop new ways of connecting that work for both parties involved.
Seeking professional help from therapists trained in treating combat-related disorders such as PTSD can provide additional tools for coping with attachment difficulties.
How do soldiers manage relational ambivalence when attachment needs conflict with survival strategies?
Soldiers face complex challenges as they balance their relationships with family members, friends, colleagues, and romantic partners while engaged in combat or under military orders that require them to be away from home for extended periods of time. This can lead to conflicting attachments, particularly if their loved ones are dependent on them for financial support or assistance.