What is Relational Sexuality?
Relational sexuality refers to the idea that sexuality exists within relationships rather than solely between individuals. It suggests that romantic and sexual interactions are intertwined and cannot be separated from other aspects of life. Instead, they occur alongside emotional connection, communication, trust, and respect. This concept emerged from feminist theory and emphasizes the importance of social context for human sexual behavior. According to relational sexuality, sexuality involves more than just physical touch but includes psychological and emotional components such as fantasy, desire, attraction, arousal, pleasure, and intimacy.
The Role of Routine Sexual Scripts
Routine sexual scripts refer to recurring patterns of behavior during sexual encounters. They can include verbal cues, physical gestures, and body language that signal readiness for sex and serve as a way of communicating needs and desires. These scripts help maintain eroticism by creating expectations and predictability in sexual encounters.
Partners may initiate sex or respond positively to physical contact, build anticipation through teasing or foreplay, or show affection post-sex by cuddling or kissing. Maintaining routine sexual scripts allows couples to feel safe and secure in their sexual relationship, which helps sustain eroticism over time.
When Trauma Disrupts Routine Sexual Scripts
Traumatic events such as abuse, assault, infidelity, or betrayal can disrupt routine sexual scripts. The impact of these experiences can range from mild anxiety to severe PTSD symptoms and affect how individuals view themselves and others. In sexual relationships, trauma survivors may experience flashbacks, nightmares, hypervigilance, or avoidance behaviors that make it difficult to engage in intimate activities. This can lead to feelings of shame, guilt, embarrassment, or fear, reducing interest in sex and damaging trust and communication. When trauma interferes with routine sexual scripts, couples may struggle to connect emotionally and physically, leading to decreased satisfaction and eroticism.
Relational Strategies for Maintaining Eroticism After Trauma
To maintain eroticism when trauma disrupts routine sexual scripts, relational strategies can be useful. Firstly, open communication is essential to identify concerns and develop a shared understanding of needs. Couples should discuss what happened and how it impacted them, express emotions without blame or judgment, and work towards healing together. Secondly, partners must prioritize self-care and practice self-compassion, allowing space for grief and processing emotions while also nurturing positive mental health. Thirdly, establishing physical safety through boundaries, consent, and comfort can help create an environment conducive to intimacy.
Couples can experiment with new ways of being intimate such as sensory play, roleplaying, or fantasy to reconnect and discover new forms of pleasure. By working together to navigate the aftermath of trauma, couples can rebuild their relationship and restore eroticism.
What relational strategies help maintain eroticism when trauma disrupts routine sexual scripts?
Relationship strategies that can be helpful for individuals who have experienced traumatic events are communication, mutual understanding, and intimacy. Communication is crucial in any relationship and even more so after experiencing a traumatic event. It allows partners to express their needs, feelings, and desires, which helps build trust and closeness. Mutual understanding means being aware of each other's experiences and perspectives and working together towards healing.