When it comes to rebuilding marriages after military service, one of the biggest challenges is helping couples reconstruct their shared meanings about their futures when deployment experiences have radically changed one partner's hopes, dreams, and relational expectations. This can be especially difficult for those who served multiple tours, experienced traumatic events during deployment, or were deployed for extended periods of time.
For many veterans, returning home means having to face new realities that are very different from what they had imagined before leaving for service. They may find themselves struggling with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), depression, anxiety, or physical injuries that make it difficult to function normally in everyday life. These conditions often lead to significant changes in personality and behavior, making it harder for them to relate to others - including their spouse - in the same way as before. As a result, the relationship may begin to suffer as the couple struggles to adjust to these new realities.
One of the most important things that couples need to do is talk openly about their feelings and expectations. This requires vulnerability, honesty, and patience - all qualities that may have been challenged by the experience of war. It also takes effort to listen to each other without judgment or defensiveness, even if the discussion gets uncomfortable at times. Both partners must be willing to hear each other out and work together to build a shared understanding of what happened during deployment and how it has affected them emotionally, physically, and psychologically.
Once the couple has established a foundation of trust and communication, they can start to explore ways to rebuild their future goals together. One approach is to set small, achievable objectives that allow both partners to feel successful and supported.
Starting a family project like remodeling a bathroom or working on an organic garden can provide a sense of purpose and accomplishment while strengthening the bond between them.
Another strategy is to focus on activities that bring pleasure and joy into daily life. Whether it's taking a vacation, going out dancing, or enjoying hobbies together, these moments help create positive memories that reinforce the couple's commitment to one another. At the same time, they can serve as opportunities for connection and intimacy, which may have been disrupted by deployment experiences.
Couples should seek professional support when needed. A therapist trained in military-related issues can help identify underlying emotional problems that are affecting the relationship and offer practical advice for managing conflict and stress. They can also facilitate difficult conversations about topics like finances, child-rearing, and career choices. When couples receive support from a third party who understands the unique challenges of military service, they can begin to reconstruct their shared meaning about the future in more productive ways.
How do couples reconstruct shared meaning about their future when deployment experiences significantly alter a veteran's life goals and relational expectations?
One possible explanation for this phenomenon is that after experiencing trauma on the battlefield, many veterans develop new values and beliefs that may differ from those of their partners. This can lead to tension and misunderstandings as they try to reconcile these differences in their relationship. To navigate these challenges, couples may need to engage in open communication and mutual support to work towards understanding each other's perspectives and finding common ground.