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During physical contact, such as hugging or kissing, people may experience emotional triggers that can bring up memories of past trauma. This is called "resurfacing" of trauma. When this happens, it can lead to negative feelings like anxiety or fear that disrupt the enjoyment of physical closeness.
To understand how trauma resurfaces during physical affection, it helps to know what trauma is and why it's stored in the body. Trauma refers to an extremely stressful event that happened in the past that was too much for your mind to process at the time. It could be something like abuse, neglect, violence, or a natural disaster. The brain reacts to these events by creating pathways between neurons. These pathways are like highways that carry information about the traumatic event from one part of the brain to another.
When you experience something similar to the original trauma later on, those pathways become activated again.
For example, if someone who experienced abuse as a child hugs someone, their brain might automatically start remembering the feeling of being hurt. That person might start to feel anxious or afraid because they associate touch with pain.
So how does this happen? Let's say John has a memory of his mother hitting him when he was five years old. When John grows up and goes through a hug with his partner, he remembers his mother hitting him. His body becomes tense, his heart races, and he feels scared. He may pull away from his partner or stop the embrace altogether.
The key thing to remember is that resurfaced trauma doesn't necessarily mean someone is reliving the traumatic event itself. Instead, they're experiencing feelings associated with the event. They may not even be aware of why they're having those feelings, but they're still affected by them.
Trauma can also affect relationships in other ways. If a person experiences repeated physical affection without resolving their trauma, it can lead to problems like trust issues, intimacy avoidance, and difficulty communicating needs. This is because the brain associates closeness with danger, so any physical contact can trigger negative emotions. It can take time for people to overcome these barriers and regain trust in themselves and others.
How do early traumas resurface during physical affection?
Early traumas can resurface during physical affection as it often involves close proximity with another person that may trigger memories of past abuse or neglect. Some individuals may experience flashbacks to their childhood experiences of being touched inappropriately or violently, which can lead to feelings of fear and discomfort. Others may struggle with intimacy due to previous trauma, such as difficulty trusting their partner or feeling unsafe in their presence.