What is digital intimacy? It involves a person engaging in online activities such as texting, video calls, social media posts, and virtual gaming that involve romantic or sexual interactions with another person who is physically distant from them. This can include flirting, sharing personal details, sending explicit photos or videos, and even having cybersex.
Hyper-curated digital intimacy refers specifically to when this interaction becomes more curated and controlled than natural, leading to unrealistic expectations for what real-life intimacy should be like. In this context, "hyper-curated" means that it has been designed and presented to appear perfect, clean, organized, polished, and beautiful - but often lacks authenticity and depth.
How does hyper-curated digital intimacy create schemas that undermine authentic arousal? One way is through desensitization. When people constantly see highly idealized versions of relationships and sex acts online, they may become numb to real intimacy in their own lives. They may also start comparing their own experiences to those online and feel like they fall short, which can lead to feelings of shame, anxiety, and insecurity.
Hyper-curated digital intimacy can create a false sense of connection between two people, where they believe they know each other deeply because they have shared so much online. But once they meet in person, they realize there was no real emotional bond underlying the interaction, leading to disappointment and disillusionment.
Another way hyper-curated digital intimacy creates schemas that undermine authentic arousal is by creating an expectation of perfectionism. People may develop rigid standards for how partners should behave, look, or perform sexually, based on what they see online. This can make it difficult for them to connect with someone who doesn't fit into these categories, and can even cause sexual dysfunction or avoidance. It can also create a pressure to always put on your best self forward, leaving little room for vulnerability and authenticity.
Hyper-curated digital intimacy can also reinforce gender roles and stereotypes about sex, making it harder for individuals to explore their own desires and preferences outside of societal norms.
Women are often portrayed as submissive and objectified online, while men are portrayed as aggressive and dominant. This can limit the range of possibilities for what real intimacy could be like.
Excessive exposure to curated content online can lead to a feeling of isolation, where people believe everyone else has perfect relationships and experiences, but not themselves. This can contribute to low self-esteem and feelings of failure.
So how can we break free from these schemas? By taking breaks from social media, recognizing when content is too idealized or unrealistic, and seeking out authentic connections in real life. It's important to remember that relationships are messy and complex, and there is no one right way to be intimate - only what works for you and your partner(s). Focus on exploring your own needs and desires, rather than comparing yourself to others, and communicate openly and honestly about what you want from an intimate relationship. Seeking therapy or support groups can also help overcome any negative beliefs or patterns created by hyper-curated digital intimacy.
How does exposure to hyper-curated digital intimacy create schemas that undermine authentic arousal?
In today's society, technology has transformed how people interact with one another, particularly through social media platforms like Instagram and TikTok. Users of these platforms often have limited visibility into the lives of those they follow, as curated feeds show only the best moments from someone else's life. This can lead to a lack of realistic expectations about what relationships should look like.