How to Ethically Frame Mentoring Younger Family Members
Mentoring involves teaching someone under your care about certain topics, especially those related to life skills. It is an important role that parents have towards their children.
It also extends beyond this relationship. As you grow older, you may find yourself being asked for advice from younger relatives like nephews, nieces, cousins, siblings' kids, and even friends. It is common for them to seek out guidance because they are curious about what they should do next in their lives. If you accept this responsibility, how can you ethically frame mentoring younger family members?
Step 1: Define Your Motives
Before you start mentoring someone, consider why you are doing so. Are you doing it because you want to help them make good decisions, teach them essential lessons, or pass down values and traditions? Consider whether these reasons match up with the person's needs.
If someone has no interest in learning about tradition but is interested in career paths, then it would be unethical of you to push traditional wisdom onto them. Instead, focus on helping them explore their interests while guiding them away from unproductive pursuits.
Step 2: Set Clear Boundaries
Being a mentor means having a mentor-mentee relationship. This includes having clear boundaries between yourselves as individuals outside of the role. Avoid crossing lines by trying to become too close, touchy-feely, intimate, romantic, physical, sexual, or otherwise too personal. Stick to giving advice on the topic at hand, which is usually nonsexual. Be mindful of any conflicts of interest that could arise. Don't share private information, keep things confidential, don't give money, and never abuse your position of power. Respect the mentee's autonomy by respecting their choices, opinions, and feelings.
Step 3: Communicate Effectively
Mentors should communicate clearly with mentees. They may not have the same experiences as you, so they won't know the context behind your knowledge. Explain how you got this knowledge, what it means, why it matters, and how they can apply it. Use real-life examples rather than abstract theories. Check for understanding and ask questions to make sure you are both on the same page. If they ask something awkward or sensitive, answer honestly without being offensive, rude, or derogatory. Show empathy and compassion.
Step 4: Give Time and Attention
Younger family members need attention more than older ones do because they lack experience and wisdom. When someone asks for advice, set aside some time to listen attentively and considerately. Try not to interrupt them, make assumptions about them, judge them harshly, or get angry when they question your decisions. Instead, treat them kindly and be patient while explaining yourself. If possible, offer multiple viewpoints to help them think critically. And be prepared to revisit topics often if necessary.
Step 5: Encourage Independence
As a mentor, encourage independence in your mentee. This is especially important if they are young adults. You want them to learn to fend for themselves after reaching adulthood. Help them problem solve by asking open-ended questions rather than giving them solutions. Allow them to make mistakes and learn from their consequences. Be available if needed but don't babysit or interfere unnecessarily.
Celebrate their successes with them and congratulate them when they achieve goals.
Mentoring younger family members requires ethical framing that prioritizes mutual respect, communication, boundaries, and independence. It may take time to develop these qualities as you grow into the role. But by following these steps, you can teach others without crossing lines or becoming too involved in their lives. Remember to always act responsibly and seek support from trusted friends and family if needed.
How can mentoring younger family members be ethically framed as a moral practice?
A common understanding of mentorship is that it involves an older and more experienced individual guiding and sharing their knowledge and wisdom with a less experienced mentee. This idea often comes from the Greek story about Odysseus and his son Telemachus, where the father leaves behind his son after fighting in war and Telemachus learns how to become king through his father's advice.