Sexual desires are natural and normal, but expressing them can be challenging. You may want to explore new sexual activities that deviate from conventional norms.
How do you approach your partner about these desires without making them feel embarrassed, ashamed, pressured, coerced, judged, or otherwise hurt? Here is some advice.
Prepare yourself mentally by reflecting on why you want to engage in such acts. Are they purely for pleasure or for some reason related to past trauma, abuse, fear, guilt, low self-esteem, etc.? If so, seek therapy first. Consider if your desire is healthy, safe, consensual, and nonviolent. Communication is key - discuss it with your partner before trying anything out.
Be mindful of their comfort level, boundaries, preferences, and limits. Explain your thoughts, feelings, and fantasies respectfully and calmly. Discuss safety measures, risks, expectations, and consequences. Avoid using words like 'freak', 'weird', 'abnormal', or 'pervert'. Ask open-ended questions to understand their opinion and perspective. Express gratitude when they agree.
If they say no, accept their decision gracefully. Respect their right to privacy and autonomy, especially if they have good reasons to decline. Be empathetic rather than pushy. Don't blame them for not sharing your interests, as you don't share all theirs either. Keep the conversation short but civilized. Do NOT shame or attack them.
Keep your tone lighthearted and playful. Talk about how much fun you would have together and how attractive you find each other. Use euphemisms like "Let's try this new thing" instead of "I want to do XYZ". Suggest taking things slowly, gradually exploring new activities over time. Make sure both partners are relaxed and comfortable.
Research possible techniques, positions, and products online. Practice them in private beforehand. Discuss details such as location, timing, dress code, props, roles, music, lubricants, etc. If you encounter issues, work together to resolve them creatively. Consider starting with less extreme acts, such as role-playing, bondage, massage, sensual touches, or dirty talk.
Be patient and understanding. Sexual compatibility is a process that takes time and effort. It may involve trial and error, compromise, negotiation, and adjustment. Try different ways of expressing desires, such as writing notes, sexting, drawing pictures, watching erotic videos, reading books, or listening to podcasts. Ask for feedback afterward on what worked well and what didn't. Learn from mistakes and try again later.
Remember that sexuality is complex and personal. What feels good to one person might not to another. Be respectful, kind, and accepting of differences. Don't judge others based on their preferences, orientation, kinks, or fetishes. Avoid making assumptions about what they will or won't enjoy.
Take responsibility for your own needs and wants, rather than relying on your partner to fulfill them. Remember that healthy relationships require communication, trust, honesty, and mutual respect. Share only as much information as necessary to avoid misunderstandings and misinterpretations. Use nonverbal cues such as eye contact, touching, kissing, and breathing to signal interest, consent, arousal, and satisfaction.
If you are uncertain how to proceed, seek professional help from a qualified sex therapist or couples counselor who can guide you through the process. Remember that exploring new sexual acts should enhance intimacy, trust, love, and connection between partners. Always prioritize safety, comfort, pleasure, and emotional closeness above all else.
How do I communicate sexual desires for unconventional acts respectfully?
When communicating one's sexual desires for unconventional acts, it is important to consider factors such as consent, boundaries, trust, and communication. Begin by discussing your personal preferences and desires with a partner who you feel comfortable opening up to, and make sure that both of you are on the same page regarding what feels safe and acceptable within your relationship.