The word "suppressed" means to keep something down, hidden, or held back. When people have desires they feel uncomfortable expressing or acting upon, those desires are "suppressed." This can happen in various ways, such as through social norms, family values, cultural expectations, religious beliefs, societal pressures, personal insecurities, fear of rejection or disapproval, trauma history, shame, guilt, embarrassment, self-doubt, or lack of understanding.
Many women report feeling guilty for wanting to have multiple orgasms in a session of lovemaking because this goes against the expected female role of being modest, patient, and passive during sex. Many men feel ashamed to desire pornography, especially if it features transsexual partners or depicts BDSM themes. Other examples include individuals who enjoy kinky sexual activities but cannot disclose these preferences to their partner(s) due to potential judgment or stigmatization.
Suppressed preferences can impact intimacy and relationship satisfaction negatively in several ways. Firstly, suppressing one's true desires often leads to anxiety, frustration, dissatisfaction, resentment, stress, low self-esteem, depression, inhibitions, emotional distance, and even physical health problems such as insomnia, headaches, migraines, digestive disorders, fatigue, and chronic pain. Secondly, when one cannot freely communicate and explore one's erotic wishes with their partner(s), it creates an environment of secrecy, distrust, dishonesty, suspicion, and mistrust. This prevents openness, vulnerability, honesty, and intimacy from developing organically over time. Thirdly, unexpressed needs may manifest themselves through other means, such as addiction, escapism, cheating, infidelity, or withdrawal. Fourthly, partners may feel rejected, unfulfilled, neglected, abandoned, betrayed, or unloved by someone they assumed would share similar tastes. Fifthly, hiding important aspects of oneself makes it harder to build genuine connections based on mutual understanding, empathy, compatibility, and acceptance.
Suppressed preferences prevent us from experiencing the full range of pleasure our bodies are capable of generating, leading to a sense of missing out or feeling incomplete.
How do suppressed preferences impact intimacy and relationship satisfaction?
Suppressing one's preferences can have a significant impact on intimacy and relationship satisfaction as it can lead to feelings of resentment, frustration, and disconnection between partners. When individuals feel that their needs are not being met, they may start to withdraw emotionally and become less invested in the relationship over time. This can result in decreased levels of trust, communication, and intimacy, which can ultimately lead to dissatisfaction with the relationship.