As humans, we have been socialized to internalize certain gender norms and expectations from an early age. These values have been passed down through generations and continue to shape our behavior today, including how we interact with others in romantic and sexual relationships.
Despite the recent progress made towards equality, some patriarchal values persist, even among those who identify as part of LGBTQ+ communities. In this essay, I will explore how these ideas manifest themselves within queer circles and why they are harmful to all individuals involved.
In many queer spaces, heteronormative ideals still hold sway, where masculine traits are seen as desirable and femininity is viewed negatively. This can create unrealistic standards for those who do not fit into traditional gender roles, leading them to feel pressured to conform to them in order to be accepted.
In online dating apps and hookup culture, there is often a preference for partners who present themselves as "straight-acting" or "butch," which perpetuates harmful stereotypes about what it means to be masculine or feminine.
Queer communities can reinforce the idea that certain types of relationships are more valid than others.
Polyamory may be perceived as less serious or committed compared to monogamy, while non-monogamy can be stigmatized and discouraged. This can lead to marginalization and exclusion of those who prefer different relationship structures, further perpetuating the notion that there is only one "right way" to love and be loved.
There can be a tendency to overlook the nuances of power dynamics within queer relationships. Some couples may assume that their partner's consent is always given due to the perception of equality between them, but this can mask abuse or exploitation. Similarly, some may view consensual kink or BDSM as inherently oppressive, dismissing the agency and autonomy involved in these practices without fully understanding them. These beliefs can impact how individuals interact with each other and can contribute to a lack of trust and communication.
Even within queer spaces where inclusivity is prioritized, there is still a tendency to value masculinity over femininity. This can manifest itself in the form of gatekeeping, where certain identities or expressions are deemed unworthy of recognition or representation. It also contributes to a culture of competition and hierarchy, where queer individuals compete for attention and validation based on how they fit into traditional gender roles.
While queer communities have made strides towards inclusivity and acceptance, patriarchal values persist and can harm all members of the LGBTQ+ community. By recognizing and challenging these ideas, we can create safer, more equitable spaces where everyone has the opportunity to express themselves authentically and find meaningful connections.
How do patriarchal values reappear even within inclusive queer circles?
Patriarchy is a system of social organization that prioritizes masculinity over femininity and subordinates women and nonbinary people. It's often associated with conservative ideas about gender roles and traditional relationships between men and women. In inclusive queer communities, some individuals may still hold onto these values by perpetuating harmful stereotypes and expectations about gender and sexuality, creating an environment where marginalized identities are not fully embraced and celebrated.