When people are starting to live together, they go through different stages that help them grow closer.
During these stages there may be some challenges that can become obstacles if they don't learn how to overcome them. Couples tend to either face their issues as a team or run away from them by blaming each other.
Experimental Failure
The first stage is when couples start dating. They get to know each other and try to have fun. It's easy because they don't have many responsibilities yet. When they move in together for the first time, it's like a trial where they must adapt to living with someone else for the long term. This is an experimental failure because there will always be some things they didn't expect and can't avoid.
He might leave his shoes everywhere while she likes her room tidy all the time. He might also be messy while she prefers order. This is a problem that can't be solved with one person giving up. The couple needs to find a solution that suits both parties involved. In this case, she could offer him advice about putting his shoes inside a shoe rack so she doesn't step on them, and he could buy a laundry basket so they can keep clothes organized.
Incompatibility vs Growth Opportunity
People should see their problems not just as signs of incompatibility but also as opportunities to improve themselves and understand what their partner wants. If they do so, they can use the situation to work together towards a better future for the relationship. She might tell him why she loves cleanliness because she values organization and respecting other people's boundaries. He may explain how much he appreciates her concern but feels overwhelmed by it and suggests using color-coded bins for clothes instead. If they talk about it, they can reach a compromise that benefits them both.
Facing challenges as a team makes relationships stronger, so couples need to realize they can learn from each other and grow without breaking up. When they accept the failures of their past experiments, they open doors to new possibilities for the future.
How do couples evaluate experimental failures as growth opportunities versus signs of incompatibility?
Psychologists have suggested that when couples perceive a breakdown in their relationship due to an unsuccessful trial as a joint learning experience rather than a signal of dysfunctional partnership, they are more likely to use this negative outcome as an opportunity for personal improvement and progress (Ramirez & Segrin, 2015).