Relational Trauma in Families of Origin
Families are the earliest and most fundamental source of human relationships. From birth to adolescence, the family provides children with love, care, support, security, guidance, protection, socialization, and emotional development.
Some individuals may experience relational trauma within their families that impacts their ability to form healthy bonds and trust in future relationships. This can lead them to seek out alternative sources of support and community outside of their biological families, creating chosen families that provide emotional closeness and shared values.
The search for chosen family
Chosen families are communities formed through affinity, choice, and mutual support rather than blood relation. They can take many forms, such as intentional households, co-housing communities, queer families, non-biological kin networks, or friendship groups. The need for chosen family is often rooted in childhood experiences, including physical or emotional abuse, neglect, rejection, or abandonment. It may also stem from cultural, political, religious, or economic factors that affect one's sense of belonging.
Impact of relational trauma
When individuals experience relational trauma in their families of origin, it can have a lasting effect on their ability to build trust, intimacy, and vulnerability in new relationships. Children who grow up in unstable homes learn to avoid dependence and rely on themselves, while those who witness domestic violence or addiction may develop mistrust and fear of closeness. These patterns can carry over into adulthood, leading to difficulty forming close relationships and seeking out emotional support.
Finding a safe space
Chosen family provides an alternative to the dysfunctional dynamics of traditional families, offering safety, acceptance, understanding, and emotional stability. For many, it becomes a lifelong source of love, care, and companionship, providing the security they did not receive within their biological family. Chosen family members actively choose to spend time together, share resources, celebrate milestones, and support each other during difficult times.
Transgenerational impact
While some individuals seek out chosen family to overcome past trauma, others may struggle with its absence due to familial expectations, societal norms, or internalized shame. This can lead to feelings of isolation, loneliness, and self-blame, perpetuating cycles of intergenerational trauma and negatively impacting future generations. By addressing these issues and creating spaces for open communication, healing, and community building, we can break the cycle and promote healthy relationships across generations.
Relational trauma within families of origin affects our ability to form chosen families later in life.
By recognizing and addressing these wounds, we can create healthier communities that provide emotional support, validation, and connection beyond blood relation. Chosen family offers a safe space for growth, empowerment, and healing, fostering resilience and hope for a more just and equitable world.
How does relational trauma within families of origin affect the search for chosen family later in life?
Relational trauma experienced in one's family of origin can have a significant impact on an individual's ability to form meaningful relationships with others throughout their lifetime, including when seeking out new "chosen" family members later in life. Trauma can leave individuals feeling emotionally wounded and mistrusting of others, leading them to seek out relationships that recreate familiar dynamics of abuse or neglect rather than those that offer genuine support and care.