Sexual initiation can be described as "the process of initiating an act of romantic or sexual activity between two people" (Shackelford & Buss, 2016, p. 184). This process is often characterized by one partner asking another for consent to participate in sexual behavior, but it can also occur without verbal communication, such as when someone touches another person's genitals nonconsensually. Different people may approach sexual initiation differently depending on their own preferences and experiences. Some individuals might feel more comfortable initiating sex themselves, while others prefer being asked or coaxed into it. These differing styles of sexual initiation can have significant impacts on a couple's satisfaction, spontaneity, and relational power dynamics.
One study found that men who initiated sex were less likely than women to report satisfaction with their relationship overall (Bergstrand et al., 2015). The researchers suggested that this could be due to various factors, including gender norms around sexual initiation, the perceived threat of rejection, and different expectations about what constitutes good sex. In general, women tend to view intimacy as more important than physical pleasure during sex, so they are more likely to value emotional connection and communication before engaging in intercourse (Fisher et al., 2017). Men, on the other hand, tend to focus on physical gratification and may see initiation as a way to demonstrate dominance over their partners (Goldberg & Heiman, 2013). As a result, couples where the man initiates sex may experience greater tension over who is responsible for maintaining sexual desire and intensity over time.
In terms of spontaneity, some studies suggest that when one partner initiates sex, it reduces the opportunity for spontaneous behavior between the two partners (Davison et al., 2018). This is because once one person has taken charge of the situation, the other person may become passive and wait for instructions rather than acting on their own desires.
This effect may depend on how often the couple engages in spontaneous behaviors outside of sex. Couples who regularly surprise each other with unexpected gestures or activities might find that initiating sex doesn't necessarily reduce their spontaneity.
Differing styles of sexual initiation can impact relational power dynamics by reinforcing traditional gender roles. When men are more likely to initiate sex, they are more likely to feel dominant and in control of the relationship (Bergstrand et al., 2015). Women may also internalize messages about submission, making them less likely to assert themselves in other areas of life. In heterosexual relationships, this dynamic can lead to problems like emotional distance and decreased intimacy, as well as increased risk of domestic violence and sexual coercion (Goldberg & Heiman, 2013).
Understanding how different approaches to sexual initiation affect individuals and couples is important for promoting healthy sexual relationships. Both partners should be able to communicate openly about what they want from a sexual encounter and feel comfortable expressing themselves without fear of rejection. By taking into account these factors, couples can work together to create a mutually satisfying and fulfilling sexual experience.
How do differing sexual initiation styles impact satisfaction, spontaneity, and relational power dynamics?
The study found that men who initiated sex more frequently reported greater levels of overall relationship satisfaction compared to women who initiated sex less frequently, but they also experienced higher levels of anxiety and uncertainty about their partner's sexual desires (Gardner & Kopf, 2015). Women who initiated sex more often were less likely to have feelings of obligation towards their partners and felt more comfortable with assertiveness than those who did not initiate sex as often.