Sexual experiences have become increasingly public, especially thanks to online dating apps and platforms like Tinder, Grindr, Bumble, Hinge, OkCupid, and Plenty of Fish, which allow people to meet potential partners quickly and easily. Even so, there are many who prefer to keep their affairs secret. They may have reasons for this secrecy that go beyond mere privacy concerns - they might feel ashamed of their lifestyle choices or fear being judged by others. This is not surprising given society's disapproval of promiscuous behavior and its tendency to label those who engage in it as 'sluts', 'whores', 'players', or 'man-eaters'. As such, sexual secrecy can provide an emotional shield against hurt feelings, social ostracism, or even political persecution.
The act of keeping one's sex life private has always been common among women because of the stigma attached to premarital sex. The double standard that exists between men and women means that while men are often praised for their sexual conquests, women are shunned for having multiple partners. Women who do not conform to societal norms risk being called names like "loose" or "promiscuous", and their reputations could be damaged if word gets out about them.
A woman who sleeps with her boss or coworker might find herself ostracized at work or even fired from her job. Similarly, a married woman who cheats on her husband may face divorce, lose custody of her children, and see her reputation ruined.
However, erotic secrecy serves a purpose other than protecting individuals from shame or stigma.
Politicians who engage in extramarital affairs may use discretion to avoid scandal. A public affair could damage their careers or lead to criminal charges under certain circumstances (such as when they lie about their actions). In such instances, secrecy becomes crucial for preserving their privacy, power, and dignity. This is why many high-profile people have paid hush money to those they slept with - to prevent leaks to the media that would tarnish their image and threaten their positions.
There are also those who keep their affairs secret due to safety concerns. People who have partners outside their marriages or relationships may fear physical harm from jealous spouses or partners. In these situations, discretion can save lives and preserve emotional wellbeing. A man who has an affair while his wife is away on business may never tell anyone else about it so he does not have to worry about being caught by someone close to him. He could end up in jail or worse if caught. Moreover, men in homophobic societies may hide their sexual orientation out of fear for their lives. Such cultures tend to treat gay sex as a crime punishable by death or imprisonment, leaving little room for openness about one's preferences. As such, secrecy provides an escape from persecution, violence, and even murder.
Erotic secrecy exists because it allows people to explore their desires without fear of reprisal. It lets them be themselves without judgment or shame, free from social expectations that demand monogamy or traditional gender roles. And while some may view it as selfish or immoral, others see it as necessary for personal growth and happiness.
In what ways does erotic secrecy protect individuals from emotional, social, and political harm?
Erotic secrecy can be understood as an essential aspect of many people's sexual lives that serves to regulate their desire and protect them from negative consequences that may arise if their desires become known. Some researchers argue that erotic secrecy is used by some individuals to shield themselves from judgment and potential rejection from others who might not understand or accept their desires (e. g. , sexual fantasies).