Restrictive Intergenerational Teachings About Sexuality: Perpetuating Shame, Secrecy, and Avoidance
Sex is an essential part of human life, yet it has been surrounded by social taboos for many years. This taboo comes from religious beliefs and cultural norms that teach people to view sexuality as sinful and immoral, and thus something to be hidden away. Parents pass down these restrictive ideas about sexuality to their children, perpetuating cycles of shame, secrecy, and avoidance within families. These behaviors can negatively impact relational intimacy between partners.
Cycle of Shame
Shame is a feeling of humiliation, embarrassment, and worthlessness that can lead to negative self-talk and low self-esteem. When parents place restrictions on children's sexual development, such as telling them they are "too young" to learn about sex or "too pure" to engage in any form of sexual activity, this creates feelings of shame and embarrassment. Children may feel like they cannot talk openly about their bodies or desires without being judged or shamed. As adults, these feelings can carry over into romantic relationships, causing them to hide their true thoughts and emotions from their partner. This cycle of shame can prevent healthy communication and closeness in a relationship.
Cycle of Secrecy
Secrecy is the act of keeping information private or concealing knowledge. Parents who instill fear around talking about sex can create a culture of silence in their family. Children who grow up with little understanding of their own bodies and sexuality may struggle to communicate effectively with their partner about what feels good and what doesn't. They may also keep parts of themselves locked away due to shame or fear of judgment. In turn, this secrecy can damage trust and intimacy within a relationship.
Cycle of Avoidance
Avoiding discussing sexuality with a partner can cause further damage to intimacy. If one partner has difficulty opening up because of restrictive intergenerational teachings, it can be difficult for both partners to connect emotionally.
If a man was told as a child that he should not touch his genitals, he may avoid exploring them or asking questions about how to pleasure his partner. This can lead to resentment and frustration on the part of his partner. Similarly, a woman who grew up hearing that she should "save herself" until marriage may find it difficult to share her wants and needs with her partner.
Restrictive intergenerational teachings about sexuality perpetuate cycles of shame, secrecy, and avoidance that can negatively impact relational intimacy. By breaking these taboos and having open conversations about sexuality, families can start building healthy foundations for future relationships.
This takes time, effort, and openness, which many people are unwilling to give.
How do restrictive intergenerational teachings about sexuality perpetuate cycles of shame, secrecy, and avoidance, and how do these cycles affect relational intimacy?
Restrictive intergenerational teachings about sexuality may perpetuate cycles of shame, secrecy, and avoidance by creating a culture of silence and secrecy around sexual expression. These cycles can be especially damaging to relationships because they prevent individuals from being honest and open with their partners about their needs, desires, and feelings related to sex. This lack of communication can lead to misunderstandings, resentment, and ultimately, a breakdown in trust between partners.