Couple 1 has no experience with combat, while Couple 2 has one partner who was recently deployed to Afghanistan for several months. During their deployment, they experienced intense physical trauma and emotional stress that changed them forever. Couple 2's veteran partner is now struggling with PTSD symptoms such as anxiety, depression, and nightmares that make it difficult to feel close to their loved ones. They avoid talking about their experience due to the stigma associated with mental illness, which leads to tension between them. Couple 1 experiences frustration when trying to understand their partner's withdrawal from intimacy, leading to miscommunication and misunderstandings. Their partner may feel like they are being judged or not supported. On the other hand, Couple 2 feels resentful towards their civilian partner for not understanding what they went through, which can lead to anger and distance. This communication gap causes further distress in both relationships.
How does this affect couples?
When couples have different levels of experience, it can cause significant disconnection and isolation.
Couple 1 may feel like they don't know how to support their partner during times of difficulty without having direct experience themselves. In addition, Couple 2 may struggle to explain the impact of their trauma on their relationship, leading to a lack of empathy from their partner. Communication becomes strained as each person tries to express themselves but struggles to connect. This can result in arguments, resentment, and even infidelity if left unaddressed.
What can couples do to bridge the gap?
To improve communication, Couple 1 needs to create an environment where Couple 2 can share openly without judgment or pressure. It is also essential to acknowledge the unique challenges faced by veterans and offer support when possible. Couple 2 needs to be patient with their partner and avoid blaming them for not "getting it."
Seeking professional help such as therapy can provide a neutral space to discuss feelings and learn effective communication skills. With time and effort, these couples can overcome their differences and build stronger bonds based on mutual respect and understanding.
How does communication vary between couples with different combat experiences?
There are many factors that can influence how communication varies between couples with different combat experiences. These include individual trauma histories, military occupations, posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and relationship statuses. Research has found that couples where one partner has PTSD may experience higher levels of conflict than those who do not have this diagnosis due to difficulties communicating about their respective needs and desires for support.