Most people have heard of the terms "top" and "bottom," but what do they mean? Top refers to a person who takes the dominant role during sex while bottom refers to the submissive partner. These terms originated in gay male culture and are often used in BDSM communities, where partners negotiate their roles through an elaborate process called negotiation. Negotiating can include discussing limits and boundaries beforehand, such as safe words for when things get too intense or what activities will be allowed. It also involves communication during sex to ensure that both partners feel comfortable and respected.
While many couples agree on which partner is top or bottom at the outset of a relationship, this agreement may change over time.
One partner might become more assertive in bed after having children or gain confidence from a new job promotion. Conversely, another partner might lose interest in sexual activity due to stress from work or family obligations. In these cases, it's important for both partners to communicate openly about their needs and expectations so that everyone feels satisfied and respected.
One way that partners can negotiate mismatches in self-definition is by trying different positions.
If one partner prefers missionary position while the other prefers doggy style, they could compromise by taking turns switching up positions throughout the night. This way, each partner gets the type of intimacy they desire without feeling like they're being denied. Another approach is to try different types of foreplay, such as teasing or massage. By exploring different avenues together, couples can find ways to bridge any gaps between their desires.
It's also essential to remember that not all differences in sexuality need to be resolved through negotiation. Sometimes, people just have different preferences that are beyond anyone's control. The key is to accept your partner as they are and find ways to meet each other halfway. If you're still struggling with this issue, consider talking to a therapist who specializes in sex therapy or couples counseling. They can help you understand your feelings and develop strategies for improving communication and intimacy in your relationship.
How do partners negotiate mismatches in sexual self-definition?
Psychologically, individuals may experience a wide range of feelings when they realize that their partner's definition of sex differs from their own. Some individuals may feel embarrassed or ashamed for having different preferences than their partner, while others may be confused as to why their partner would desire something else. Additionally, some individuals may struggle with feeling accepted and valued if their partner does not share similar views on sex.