Emotions are powerful, yet often suppressed during deployment for various reasons that may include protecting oneself from psychological trauma, maintaining mental stability and focus, fulfilling the mission, avoiding conflict, being disciplined and professional, conforming to cultural norms or social expectations, obeying orders, etc.
Suppressed emotions can have long-term effects, such as difficulties establishing trust, empathy, understanding, comfortability, or closeness in romantic/sexual relationships. Intimacy is built on vulnerability and openness, which requires honesty about feelings, needs, desires, hopes, fantasies, dreams, fears, insecurities, limits, boundaries, past experiences, etc. Suppressed emotions make it harder to communicate these things without hesitation or shame, which compromises intimacy development. The following points explain how emotional suppression translates into post-deployment intimacy challenges.
Suppressed Anger: Anger suppression during service may result in passive-aggressive behavior patterns, resentments, or frustration towards one's partner, which damages their relationship. Partners may feel like they cannot get close because of the soldier's coldness or lack of communication.
Suppressed Sadness: Soldiers who suppress sadness may appear distant, disinterested, unemotional, even unfeeling. Their partners may feel abandoned, unwanted, and unloved, leading to distance, infidelity, or separation.
Suppressed Fear: Fear suppression may lead to anxiety attacks, panic, flashbacks, paranoia, or overreactions in response to minor issues, causing conflict or trauma for a partner.
Suppressed Guilt: Guilt suppression due to guilt about killing or hurting civilians can cause low self-esteem, distrust, self-loathing, and avoidance of closeness. Partners may experience guilt themselves by blaming themselves or their loved ones, feeling guilty about leaving them alone, or struggling with understanding the changes in their partner.
Suppressed Joy: Lack of joyful expression may create a bleak environment where partners feel stuck in a void, unable to enjoy life together or connect over happy moments. Suppressed joy can also make it harder to discuss sexual needs and desires.
Suppressed Sexual Desire: Soldiers who suppress sexual desire may have difficulty opening up sexually, expressing arousal, communicating needs, etc., making their partners feel rejected or unattractive. This may result in infidelity, disconnection, or resentment towards the relationship.
Post-deployment intimacy challenges are not only emotional; they include physical and psychological effects such as PTSD, substance abuse, hypervigilance, irritability, aggression, and sleep disorders that require professional help.
Talking about these difficulties openly is crucial in resolving conflicts and rebuilding trust and closeness. By acknowledging the effects of emotional suppression during service on post-deployment relationships, soldiers and their partners can work together to overcome obstacles and achieve a deeper level of intimacy.
How does emotional suppression during service translate to intimacy challenges post-deployment?
Service members often experience difficulty expressing their emotions freely, which can make it difficult for them to maintain close relationships with others. This is especially true when they return home from deployment, as they may be experiencing feelings of anxiety, depression, or other negative emotions that are not conducive to forming strong bonds. As such, they may find themselves struggling to connect emotionally with loved ones who are not aware of the full extent of their struggles.