After serving in war zones for an extended time, returning home is usually stressful because soldiers experience physical and mental trauma that can disrupt their relationships. The military's culture of stoicism prevents them from showing emotion due to societal expectations of masculinity and femininity. As such, partners may have difficulty understanding how these experiences impact their loved ones, leading to tension and misunderstanding within the relationship. When they witness their loved one's emotional aftermath, this shift affects intimacy since it forces both individuals to reevaluate the nature of their bond.
What Happens After Deployment?
The stresses of deployment often result in post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), depression, anxiety, and substance abuse issues. These challenges affect veterans physically, mentally, emotionally, and relationally, making it difficult for them to return to civilian life. PTSD symptoms include hypervigilance, irritability, insomnia, flashbacks, nightmares, avoiding people or places related to combat, social withdrawal, anger outbursts, and self-destructive behaviors like drinking too much alcohol. Depressed mood leads to a loss of interest in activities once enjoyed; anxious feelings make everyday tasks seem overwhelming. Many veterans struggle with suicidal thoughts due to these issues. Their partners must adjust to changes in behavior during recovery, but they often don't understand what's happening.
Effect on Relationships
When partners notice a change in their loved one, they feel uncertain about the future and unsure if they can provide enough support. They worry that their partner will leave them, be unfaithful, or neglect responsibilities at home. Often, they don't know how to handle such situations, causing frustration and resentment.
Communication is essential when addressing these concerns; couples should openly discuss fears and needs while offering encouragement through this journey. Veterans may need time away from family obligations to focus on treatment; partners should respect boundaries without pressuring them into action.
Emotional Aftermath
The emotional aftermath of trauma manifests itself as anger, depression, anxiety, and sadness. It's not easy for military members to express themselves emotionally because they believe it compromises masculinity/femininity, making vulnerability taboo within their culture. When partners witness this shift firsthand, they realize their loved ones experience inner turmoil and become less intimate physically/mentally than before deployment. Intimacy involves trust, honesty, sharing secrets/feelings, creating memories together, and feeling comfortable being vulnerable. While partners initially respond negatively to the changed dynamic, they eventually understand why their loved ones act differently.
Reevaluating the Bond
To reconnect with each other emotionally, both parties must reassess the nature of their relationship. Partners learn patience and compassion toward veteran struggles, while the latter opens up emotionally about feelings of guilt/shame. Couples explore new ways to connect, like reading books/watching movies that relate to war or talking more openly about childhood experiences. The partner may feel uncomfortable asking questions, but honest dialogue helps build trust and creates a safe space for healing.
Couples can rekindle intimacy by supporting one another through recovery while addressing underlying issues contributing to PTSD symptoms (e.g., substance abuse).
How does the partner's perception of the service member change when they witness the emotional aftermath of trauma, and how does this shift affect intimacy?
The perception of the service member's traumatic experience by their partner is likely to be affected by the emotional aftermath that they witness. This shift can have significant implications on the level of intimacy between them. The partner may feel empathy towards the trauma survivor and seek to provide support, but it could also lead to feelings of distress and overwhelmingness.