Teaching: Love is an act of will, a conscious decision to choose another person. It requires sacrifice, patience, and selflessness. Love must be unconditional and last forever.
Lived Experience: I met someone who made me feel like I've never felt before. We clicked instantly. My feelings were intense but beautiful, and they kept growing stronger. Our relationship blossomed, and it was perfect. Then one day, I realized that I wasn't in love anymore. I couldn't bring myself to tell them, so I let them go without any explanation. They asked why and wanted to know what happened, but I didn't have an answer. My thoughts conflicted with each other. Was it because of external factors? No, we had been happy for months. Maybe they weren't right for me after all? But I knew that wasn't true. Did I make the wrong choice? That's when cognitive dissonance arose. I started questioning everything about my lived experiences of love.
Religious Teaching: Sex is reserved for marriage. Intimacy should always be within the bounds of marriage. Any sexual acts outside of marriage are sinful. The body is meant for procreation, not pleasure. Any form of eroticism is immoral.
Lived Experiences: After the breakup, I found solace in intimate relationships. I enjoyed being desired and feeling desired. I began exploring different forms of eroticism and learning how to please others physically. This brought me more happiness than anything else ever did.
I wondered if this went against religious teachings. How could something so enjoyable be considered evil or dirty? It felt natural and satisfying, yet religious texts condemned it as a sin. Wasn't I contradicting my beliefs by indulging in something I shouldn't? This created another cognitive dissonance.
Cognitive Dissonance: Both teaching and experience clashed and left me torn between two worlds. On one hand, I believed that love was a conscious decision and lasted forever. On the other hand, I knew that feelings could change, and I chose not to feel them anymore.
My religious teachings taught me that sex was only acceptable in marriage, but I enjoyed intimacy outside of marriage. These conflicting ideas made me question what I believed in and why I believed it. My thoughts were constantly at war with each other.
I realized that both teachings and experiences had their validity. Love wasn't a choice; it was an emotion that came naturally, and sometimes it faded away. Sexual pleasure was also part of human nature and didn't have to be limited to marriage. By acknowledging these truths, I learned to reconcile my beliefs with my lived experiences and find peace within myself.
What cognitive dissonances arise when religious teachings conflict with lived experiences of love?
Cognitive dissonance is an uncomfortable feeling that arises when two conflicting beliefs, attitudes, or behaviors are simultaneously held. In the context of religion and love, this can occur when someone's personal experience of loving another person conflicts with their religious beliefs about relationships.