The word 'shame' comes from Old English sceam, which means 'to cover up, hide'. It is a negative feeling about oneself that one experiences due to a perceived shortcoming. In many religions, people believe that their behavior influences divine judgment, causing them to experience shame when they break divine laws. According to sociologist Erving Goffman, 'a person who feels ashamed is aware of being negatively evaluated by others and withdraws from social interaction until the shameful situation can be resolved.' This evaluation may include stigma - an attribute, behavior, or belief considered socially undesirable, disgraceful, or dishonorable. Religiously induced shame and stigma can lead to interpersonal distrust, fear of rejection, and relationship avoidance.
Individuals experiencing religiously induced shame
People may feel religiously induced shame for failing to follow spiritual rules and rituals, such as fasting, praying, or attending religious services regularly. They may also experience shame for violating specific moral norms, such as adultery, homosexuality, and transgender identity. Shame results in cognitive, emotional, and behavioral changes, including self-blame, low self-esteem, guilt, depression, isolation, and self-harm. These feelings often affect intimate relationships, leading individuals to distance themselves from partners and friends, lie to conceal their shame, or deny its existence.
A woman experiencing shame over her same-sex attractions may avoid intimacy with other women. A man hiding his extramarital affairs may become cold and distant towards his wife.
Interpersonal trust and relationship formation
Interpersonal trust is crucial for successful relationships, allowing people to reveal vulnerabilities without fear of betrayal.
Shame and stigma can damage trust, causing individuals to hide their true selves and avoid forming close bonds. Religiously induced shame may make people doubt others' trustworthiness, particularly those who have different views on morality. Fear of rejection and judgment can prevent them from opening up about their struggles, creating distance between them and potential partners.
Impact on interpersonal communication
Shame and stigma can influence how people communicate with each other. Individuals may avoid sharing personal information out of fear of judgment or embarrassment. They may be hesitant to ask for help or support, even if they need it. This can lead to misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and mistrust.
Religiously induced shame can cause people to judge others' actions harshly, making them less empathetic and more likely to gossip.
Addressing the issue
To address religiously induced shame and stigma, communities must create safe spaces for openness and healing. Counselors, therapists, and spiritual leaders should provide confidential support and nonjudgmental guidance. Religious institutions should promote acceptance, compassion, and understanding. Shaming practices must be abandoned, as they only increase isolation and suffering. By fostering a culture of acceptance and trust, we can create healthier, happier, and more fulfilling relationships.
How do religiously induced shame and stigma influence interpersonal trust and relationship formation?
Religious beliefs may influence how people perceive themselves and their relationships with others in ways that can impact the development of interpersonal trust. Shame and stigma are two powerful emotions that can arise from religious experiences and teachings. Religiously induced shame is often associated with feeling unworthy due to perceived failures or transgressions against religious norms and expectations. This can lead individuals to feel embarrassed, humiliated, and guilty about their actions or identities.