What part of your sexuality feels performative? And why is it important to consider how you feel about this aspect of your sexuality? In this article, we will explore these questions and more! We'll discuss how different aspects of your sexuality may feel performative or embodied, and why that matters for understanding yourself and others better.
To begin, let's define some key terms. Performativity refers to how something is done or presented - usually in relation to social norms and expectations. It can apply to anything from speech patterns to body language, clothing choices to job titles. Embodiment, meanwhile, means having an awareness of one's physical senses and experiences. When it comes to sexuality, both of these concepts come into play when considering what feels "real" versus what feels like acting out a role or script. But which aspects of your sexuality are truly performative? Let's find out.
First, consider how sexually active you are. This could involve anything from masturbation to partnered intercourse, solo dancing to group orgies. Think about whether there are certain acts or positions you enjoy more than others. Are they because they make you feel good physically, emotionally, or both? Or do they simply satisfy a societal standard of what's "hot" right now? For example, if you only enjoy being submissive during sex but wouldn't choose that role outside the bedroom, does that make it performative rather than embodied? If so, why might that be? Perhaps you feel pressured to act a certain way by partners who enjoy dominance over submission. On the other hand, maybe certain positions just feel more natural for your body type - making them less "performative."
Next, think about your communication style during sex. Do you tell your partner exactly what turns you on? Or do you hold back, either because you don't want to offend them or because you want to keep some mystery alive? Does this depend on the situation? Maybe in public settings, you try to keep things PG-rated while privately discussing explicit fantasies with a close friend. Is this performative or embodied? What would happen if you were fully open and direct all the time? Would it enhance intimacy between you and your partner(s)? Why or why not?
Finally, examine your relationship history. Have any past experiences made it difficult to express yourself freely around sexuality? Did an ex expect certain behaviors from you that didn't match up with how you felt inside? If so, did this change your approach to future relationships? And how has it affected your sense of self-worth as a person? Understanding these factors can help you navigate current relationships better. It also allows others to see beyond preconceptions and connect with you more authentically. The key is recognizing which aspects of our sexuality are genuine expressions versus those that stem from societal conditioning. Once we know where those lines blur, we can work towards breaking down barriers that hold us back from true connection.