In many cultures and societies, marriage is seen as a means to an end. It serves as a way for people to find partners who will provide them with emotional and physical support, financial stability, and social acceptance. For this reason, some couples may view their relationship as more of a transaction than anything else, which can lead to the objectification of one another and the devaluing of intimate encounters between them. In such cases, intimacy becomes little more than a chore or duty that must be performed to keep the other person happy.
Treating intimacy like a marital duty has several psychological costs that can affect both individuals involved.
One cost of treating intimacy like a marital duty is that it can create a sense of obligation rather than desire. When a couple views intimacy as something they "have" to do, it can become routine and lackluster, which leads to feelings of dissatisfaction and resentment. As a result, they may begin to feel trapped in the relationship, believing there's no escape from the situation unless they break up. This can lead to increased stress levels and negative thoughts about themselves and others.
It can make it difficult for either partner to communicate openly and honestly about their needs and desires because they fear being rejected if they express themselves too much. This can further damage the relationship over time.
Another cost of treating intimacy like a marital duty is that it can lead to a lack of trust and vulnerability. If a couple doesn't view intimacy as an opportunity for connection and understanding, but instead sees it as simply meeting a requirement, they may not allow themselves to fully connect with each other emotionally during sex. Instead, they may focus on performance or appearance rather than on truly experiencing pleasure together. This can create distance between them, making it harder to build trust and establish a strong emotional bond. It can also prevent them from feeling comfortable being vulnerable with one another, leading to a lack of emotional depth in the relationship overall.
Treating intimacy like a marital duty can have significant psychological costs, including decreased satisfaction, increased stress, difficulty communicating, and a lack of trust and vulnerability. To avoid these consequences, couples should approach intimacy as a way to strengthen their relationship rather than as something they must do out of obligation. They should strive to view intimacy as an opportunity for connection, communication, and mutual fulfillment, rather than just checking off a box on their list of responsibilities. By doing so, they can improve their sexual and emotional health while deepening their connection with one another.
What psychological costs arise from treating intimacy as marital duty?
Psychologically, individuals who treat intimacy with their spouse as a marital duty may feel pressure to engage in sexual and emotional activities that they are not comfortable with, which can lead to feelings of guilt and resentment. This can also lead to difficulties in establishing trust and communication between partners, as well as decreased satisfaction in the relationship overall.