The act of keeping fantasies secret is often cited as one factor that may increase the risk of cheating in romantic relationships.
Little research has been done to determine how this phenomenon works in practice. This article explores how secrecy of fantasies influences individuals' likelihood to engage in infidelity.
One explanation for the connection between secret fantasizing and increased infidelity is that people who do not disclose their private desires may be more likely to pursue them outside of the relationship. If they feel ashamed about what they want, they may be less willing to discuss it with their partner and instead seek satisfaction elsewhere.
If they do share their fantasies but are met with disapproval or judgment from their partner, they may look for someone else who will accept them unconditionally.
Another possibility is that secretive fantasizers may lack confidence in themselves and their partners. They may fear rejection or embarrassment, leading them to believe that only an anonymous lover can satisfy their needs. Similarly, they might feel guilty about their desires and avoid talking about them out of shame or self-doubt. In either case, these feelings could lead them to stray from the relationship in search of fulfillment.
Other factors such as dissatisfaction with the current relationship, poor communication, and external stressors (such as financial difficulties) also contribute to infidelity risks. Therefore, secrecy alone cannot explain why some people cheat while others remain faithful. Nonetheless, it remains a significant contributing factor for many couples.
Keeping your fantasies hidden may increase your risk of infidelity due to reduced openness and vulnerability in the relationship.
This does not mean that all secretive individuals are destined to betray their partners - there are other factors at play as well. By understanding how secrecy affects intimacy and trust within relationships, we can work towards creating healthier, more honest connections built on mutual respect and understanding.
How does secrecy of fantasies predict infidelity risks?
Secrecy can be defined as keeping something private from others. Fantasizing about having an affair may be considered secret behavior because most people would not openly discuss this topic with their partners. Studies have shown that individuals who keep their desires and thoughts for extramarital affairs hidden are more likely to engage in cheating behaviors than those who do not hide them (Chivers et al. , 2013).