Forming Coherent Narratives About Oneself When Sexual Desire Conflicts With Values
People have different ways of expressing and communicating their needs, preferences, and choices regarding sexuality.
These choices can sometimes conflict with societal norms, moral beliefs, or personal values.
Someone may want to engage in certain types of consensual non-monogamy but feel guilty about doing so because it goes against traditional religious or cultural views. Or they may enjoy kinky activities that others find immoral or unacceptable. In such situations, people must construct a coherent narrative about themselves that reconciles their desires with their values. This involves several steps:
1. Identifying the conflicting interests: People need to recognize which aspects of their sexual life are causing internal tension or contradictions with other areas of their lives. This requires self-reflection, honesty, and willingness to confront difficult truths. They should also consider how society might judge their behavior if exposed.
2. Evaluating alternatives: Once identified, people need to explore potential solutions or compromises that could resolve the conflict. They can try changing their behavior (such as avoiding certain partners), accepting their feelings (e.g., by practicing mindfulness), or redefining their beliefs (by discussing them with trusted friends or therapists).
3. Developing a storyline: To make sense of the situation, people create a narrative wherein they explain their experience and justify their actions. This can involve creating a positive frame for oneself ("I'm an adventurous person who seeks new experiences") or finding justifications for others' disapproval ("My partner doesn't understand my needs").
This process is challenging, as it often requires sacrificing parts of one's identity or admitting mistakes.
4. Repeatedly revising: The narrative is not set in stone but subject to change over time based on new information or life events. People may choose different strategies or perspectives depending on their circumstances, leading to multiple versions of themselves.
5. Finding support networks: Connecting with like-minded individuals or professionals can help validate one's perspective and provide guidance on navigating these complex issues.
Someone might find a polyamorous community or attend workshops on non-traditional relationships.
6. Seeking resolution:
Forming coherent narratives about oneself when sexual desires conflict with values involves balancing personal choices against social norms while maintaining self-respect and integrity. It also involves recognizing the psychological and emotional implications of one's decisions.
How do people form coherent narratives about themselves when their sexual desires conflict with their moral, cultural, or relational values?
In order to understand how individuals create coherent stories about themselves despite having conflicting sexual desires that challenge their belief systems, it is essential to examine the various factors that influence one's self-identity. One such factor is socialization, which refers to the process through which individuals learn and internalize norms, values, and behaviors from their environment.