Can reclaiming slowness and silence reopen the gates to desire?
Sexuality is an intrinsic part of human nature. It is a natural, biological urge that manifests itself through a variety of behaviors such as touching, kissing, caressing, hugging, oral sex, and intercourse. Although it may appear simple, there are many complex factors involved, including emotional, social, cultural, psychological, physical, and biological ones. Sexuality is about desire, which can be both individual and collective, conscious and unconscious, rational and irrational. It is also about pleasure and satisfaction for the participants, who engage in it consciously or not. When desire is present, sexuality takes place; when it is absent, sexuality becomes mechanical or even traumatic. This article explores how reclaiming slowness and silence can reopen the gates to desire, thus fostering a healthier and more fulfilling sexual life.
Reclaiming slowness means paying attention to one's own body, sensations, and feelings during sexual encounters.
During foreplay, one should take time to explore the partner's body, focusing on each part slowly, without rushing towards the main act. Slowness implies control and self-mastery, which is crucial for experiencing pleasure, especially if one wants to delay climax. Moreover, it allows the partners to build up tension and anticipation, which makes the final release much more intense. Reclaiming slowness can happen with masturbation, too, by taking time to enjoy every moment instead of quickly reaching orgasm. Taking time to listen and feel the body also helps identify hidden desires and fantasies that can then be expressed through words, gestures, or touches.
Silence refers to the space between two people, where they become vulnerable and open to each other. In sex, this space often appears as an absence of verbal communication, allowing for nonverbal cues and signals to emerge. Silence facilitates intimacy and trust between the partners, making them comfortable enough to express their needs and expectations in an honest way. It also encourages them to focus on their bodies and their sensations, creating deeper connections and emotional bonds. Moreover, silence creates a safe environment where both partners can let go of all social constraints and judgments, thus allowing themselves to fully experience desire, pleasure, and ecstasy.
To reclaim slowness and silence, couples need to set aside time for sex, free from distractions and external pressures. They should create a private place, turn off phones and electronics, and dress accordingly. The ideal environment should be quiet, calm, and relaxed, without any noises or interruptions. During foreplay, they should take their time to explore each other's bodies, using their hands and mouths slowly. They can also share erotic stories and fantasies, which can help understand and express one another better. Sexual activities such as bondage, role-playing, blindfolds, or even BDSM can further enhance the feeling of safety and connection during sexual encounters.
Reclaiming slowness and silence is a powerful tool to reopen the gates to desire and foster healthier and more fulfilling sexuality. By focusing on their own body, sensations, and feelings, couples can rediscover their natural urges and desires, deepening their relationships and intensifying their sexual experiences.
Can reclaiming slowness and silence reopen the gates to desire?
Yes, because modern society often moves fast and with technology that is always demanding our attention. The constant need for speed can lead us to overlook moments of pleasure and joy, especially when it comes to intimacy. By embracing slowness and silence during intimate moments, we can allow ourselves to focus on what truly matters and rediscover the desire and excitement we once felt.