Whenever there is a war, everything changes. Including relationships between lovers. War disrupts every aspect of society and destroys its usual rhythms. Lovers may be separated, their communication interrupted, their trust undermined, their emotional bond weakened. They live an abnormal life during wartime that requires adaptations to survive physically and mentally. And once peace returns, they still have to deal with the aftermath of such traumas.
Normalcy before War
What is normal? What can be called "normal" for couples depends on the social norms of their country, culture, community, religion, socioeconomic status, generation, education level, lifestyle, family background, age, gender, etc. Many factors shape what can be considered "normal". But even within these limits, some things are more common than others. Before the war, most people enjoy a certain amount of freedom, privacy, stability, security, peace, orderliness, predictability, comfort, prosperity, leisure time, healthy body, loving relationship, passionate sex life, and other forms of intimacy. Of course, this does not mean that everyone experiences all these benefits at the same time or in the same degree. But there are many elements of a "normal", balanced life.
Distorted Normality During Wartime
War breaks up the routine. It interrupts habits, rituals, traditions, values, customs, institutions. Everyday activities become impossible. Work, school, entertainment, transportation, services, food distribution, communications, infrastructure, safety, medical care, laws, authority, economy… everything is disrupted by conflict. Even if lovers remain together, they have to share the hardships of living under siege or in a refugee camp, facing shortages, violence, danger, uncertainty, fear, grief, anxiety. There may be a constant threat over their heads. They may lose contact with friends, relatives, neighbors. Their routines disappear. Everything becomes abnormal.
Adjustments to War-Time Abnormalities
Lovers adapt to new circumstances. They rebuild their lives around necessities. They find ways to stay safe and survive. Sometimes they help each other, but often they must rely on themselves and the community. They take action for self-preservation, self-defense, self-care, self-fulfillment. Some couples endure traumas that change them forever: sexual assaults, rapes, injuries, displacement, illnesses, deaths. Other couples grow closer because they face adversity together. Still others split apart due to mistrust, jealousy, resentment, misunderstandings, frustration, disagreements, miscommunications, unrealistic expectations. But all warring people make adjustments. Normalcy disappears during wartime. New realities emerge. Intimate relationships are not spared this process.
Post-War Reconstruction
The aftermath of war can be as devastating as the war itself. PTSD, depression, stress, fatigue, loss, isolation… all these challenges become obstacles to healthy relationships. Lovers who have experienced war need time to heal. To restore normalcy, they may seek professional help or confide in loved ones. If they share a home, they must learn to coexist again under normal conditions. When peace returns, the couple faces economic hardships and political instability. They may struggle with financial problems, joblessness, corruption, injustice, homelessness, disillusionment, fear, anger, guilt, etc. All these factors can damage their bond. The question remains whether they will adapt or resist distorted "normal".
How does war distort the meaning of “normal” within intimate relationships, and how do couples adapt or resist these distortions?
The notion of normality can be understood as a social construct that varies across cultures and time periods, but is still perceived by most people as an idealized state of happiness and satisfaction in interpersonal relations. War often disrupts this perception by placing strains on individuals' abilities to communicate, trust, express emotions, negotiate conflicts, and meet needs.