The idea that looking at someone with desire can be ethical is a controversial one. On the one hand, there are those who argue that all desires are inherently unethical because they involve objectifying others and treating them as means to an end. On the other hand, there are those who believe that some forms of desire can be ethically harmless or even positive if they respect the person being looked upon and their agency. In this article, I will explore whether it is possible for the erotic gaze to become ethical when it acknowledges the other's freedom rather than consumes it.
What do we mean by the 'erotic gaze'? The term refers to the act of looking at another person with desire or lustfulness. It is often associated with sexuality and intimacy but can also occur outside of these contexts.
You might find yourself staring at your partner while kissing them, admiring their body language or facial expression. You could feel aroused by a stranger on the street or find someone attractive in a public place. This gaze can take many forms and be motivated by different factors.
Why does the erotic gaze raise ethical concerns? One issue is consent. When someone looks at another without permission or against their wishes, it can be a violation of their privacy and autonomy. This type of behavior may lead to feelings of discomfort, anxiety, or humiliation. In addition, the act of looking itself can be exploitative, particularly when done for commercial purposes such as pornography or advertising. Another concern is power dynamics. If one party has more power than another (for instance, because of gender, race, class, age), then the gaze may create an unequal dynamic wherein one person feels objectified or dehumanized.
Some argue that the very act of desiring someone else reflects selfishness and egotism - wanting something solely for our own pleasure without regard for its impact on others.
But what if we change the way we look at things? Can the erotic gaze become ethical? To answer this question, we need to consider how freedom fits into the equation. Imagine two people who are mutually interested in each other sexually. They engage in flirtatious banter, touching and caressing before moving towards intercourse. Here, both parties have agency; they make conscious choices about whether to initiate intimacy, proceed with certain actions, and stop when desired. The gazes between them are not just lustful but also respectful and attentive.
This scenario highlights a key aspect of ethical desire: reciprocity. Both individuals give and receive attention equally. Their gazes are not simply about satisfying themselves but communicating interest and affection. Moreover, they recognize each other's boundaries - if either person says no or becomes uncomfortable, they immediately back off. This kind of consent-based, mutual connection promotes safety and trust between partners while preventing hurt feelings or coercion.
Another crucial element of ethical looking is non-objectification. In healthy relationships, partners view each other as whole beings rather than objects of desire. They see beyond physical attributes like body type or skin color to appreciate personality traits such as intelligence or humor. And because they care about their partner's well-being, they take steps to ensure that everyone involved feels comfortable and safe during sexual encounters.
They might use protection against pregnancy or STIs or prioritize communication throughout any physical activity.
An ethically-minded gaze requires mindfulness. Partners need to consider how their desires may impact others around them. Are they being discreet? Respectful? Responsible? If not, then they should adjust accordingly.
You could avoid making eye contact with someone on the street who looks uninterested in your advances. Or if interacting intimately with multiple people at once, you must communicate clearly about expectations and boundaries to minimize confusion or harm.
The erotic gaze can become ethical when it acknowledges another person's freedom instead of consuming them. Consent-based relationships where both parties give and receive attention are key. Non-objectifying attitudes promote respect and understanding. Mindfulness prevents harm. These principles apply to all forms of desire - whether romantic, platonic, or professional. So let us practice them daily to create a world where our gazes are welcomed rather than feared or objectified.
Can the erotic gaze become ethical when it acknowledges the other's freedom rather than consumes it?
The issue of the "erotic gaze" is complex and multifaceted, as it relates to power dynamics, gender roles, and cultural norms surrounding sexuality. While some argue that it can be ethical when both parties consent and are aware of their boundaries, others believe that it objectifies and commodifies the body, regardless of intentions.