Religion is an integral part of human life that influences personal beliefs, values, behaviors, and attitudes toward many aspects of society including marriage, family, and sexuality. Many religions have strict guidelines for adherents to follow regarding relationships and sexuality, such as monogamy, faithfulness, chastity, purity, and modesty.
There are circumstances where individuals may feel drawn to another person romantically or physically despite being married or committed to someone else. This article examines how individuals reconcile persistent attraction with religious ideals of fidelity or purity. It discusses different ways people deal with these conflicts and explores potential consequences and outcomes. The article also considers psychological and sociocultural factors influencing these choices and provides recommendations for those struggling with this issue.
The dilemma of reconciling persistent attraction with religious ideals has been discussed extensively in literature and popular culture.
In the Bible, King David had an affair with Bathsheba, which resulted in murder and other unfortunate events (2 Samuel 11:1-5). Similarly, in the Koran, Mohammed condemned Zaynab bint Jahsh, a woman he was attracted to, for marrying her former husband after his death (Surah 33). These stories show how powerful sexual desire can be and its impact on even the most pious individuals. Despite the widespread acknowledgment of this issue, there is little research on how people deal with it.
Dealing With Conflicting Values
There are various ways people deal with persistent attraction while trying to remain faithful to their partner and religion. Some choose to suppress their feelings by ignoring them or avoiding situations that might trigger them. Others confide in friends or family members who offer support and advice. Some seek professional help from therapists or clergy. Still, others engage in extramarital affairs despite knowing they violate religious values. This section examines each approach's pros and cons, including personal accounts, examples, and statistics.
Suppression and Avoidance
Many people try to ignore or suppress their feelings of attraction towards another person. They may engage in activities like prayer, meditation, exercise, or volunteering to distract themselves.
Repressing emotions can lead to anxiety, depression, guilt, and shame. It also creates inner tension, making it difficult to focus on work or relationships, affecting mental health negatively.
An example of suppression and avoidance is Jake, who married Sarah after graduating college. He felt uncomfortable around women other than his wife but couldn't deny his growing attraction to a coworker named Melissa. To avoid temptation, he avoided social gatherings and focused on work. Eventually, he became more irritable and withdrawn at home, leading to arguments with Sarah. She suggested couples counseling, which helped him recognize that sexual fantasies were normal and healthy. With Sarah's encouragement, he began exercising regularly and practicing mindfulness techniques to manage his urges.
He learned to control his impulses without feeling guilty or ashamed.
Confiding in Others
Confiding in friends, family members, or professional helpers can be beneficial when dealing with persistent attraction. These individuals provide support and advice while helping the individual stay accountable for their choices. They can offer practical solutions such as setting boundaries or seeking professional therapy. Still, confiding in others carries risks.
If someone reveals sensitive information, they might become an object of gossip or lose trust from their partner.
Ana was religious and happily married to Carlos until she met her co-worker, Alex, who made her feel alive again. At first, she tried ignoring the attraction, but it grew stronger every day. One night, she confided in her sister, who encouraged her to seek professional help. Ana agreed but feared her husband would find out and leave her. Her therapist advised her to tell Carlos about the affair before someone else did, so she decided to come clean. Although it was difficult, Carlos forgave her after learning about the situation and supported her through counseling sessions.
Extramarital Affairs
Extramarital affairs are not uncommon among those struggling with persistent attraction despite religious values.
These relationships violate fundamental principles of fidelity and purity that many religions espouse. This section discusses potential consequences of extramarital affairs, including divorce, social stigma, legal issues, and psychological distress. It also explores how people justify this behavior and considers alternatives to traditional monogamy.
Extramarital affairs can lead to guilt, shame, regret, and emotional pain for all parties involved. They may also create financial burdens, damage reputations, and ruin families. In some cultures, society may view them as sinful, immoral, or criminal acts that carry serious penalties.
Infidelity has been linked to lower relationship satisfaction, higher rates of divorce, and increased risk for domestic violence. Despite these risks, some individuals justify extramarital affairs as necessary to meet sexual needs and avoid feelings of loneliness or boredom. Others explore alternative forms of non-monogamous relationships like open marriages or polyamory. These arrangements allow individuals to have multiple partners while respecting each other's boundaries and desires.
Psychological and Sociocultural Factors
Many factors influence an individual's choice between persistent attraction and religious ideals.
Personality traits such as impulsivity, sensation seeking, or low self-control are associated with engaging in risky behaviors like extramarital affairs. Similarly, cultural norms regarding sexuality, marriage, religion, gender roles, and family structure shape how people deal with their desires. This section examines these variables and provides recommendations for those struggling with the issue.
How do individuals reconcile persistent attraction with religious ideals of fidelity or purity?
Individuals have always been attracted to those who are not available to them emotionally, morally, physically, or legally. In this case, they try to rationalize their feelings by focusing on the positive aspects of the relationship while minimizing its negative aspects. They may feel guilty but also experience excitement when engaging in illicit relationships because it is often viewed as a forbidden fruit.