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HOW DOES EROTIC SHAME SHAPE OUR RELATIONSHIPS WITH OURSELVES AND OTHERS?

How does erotic shame become internalized as a political tool, shaping how individuals police their own bodies and fantasies?

Erotic shame is an emotional response to perceived failure to meet social standards for desirable sexual conduct. It can be caused by external pressures such as criticism, rejection, guilt, or punishment. When it occurs within a relationship, erotic shame often stems from miscommunication, unrealistic expectations, or lack of trust.

When someone experiences erotic shame, they may feel embarrassment, humiliation, or self-loathing. This emotional state can lead to self-policing behaviors, which involve monitoring and controlling one's thoughts and actions to avoid future feelings of shame. Self-policing can take many forms, including hiding sexual interests, denying attraction to certain people, or restricting sexual activity. The resulting fear of judgment from others can cause further isolation and shame.

Shame becomes internalized when it is accepted as a fundamental part of one's identity, leading to a sense of worthlessness and self-doubt. Internalized shame can impact sexual decision-making, leading to reduced risk-taking and intimacy. It can also create cognitive distortions that exaggerate the importance of appearance, performance, or approval in relationships.

This process can reinforce negative beliefs about oneself and one's sexuality, creating a cycle of self-criticism and self-destruction.

Erotic shame can become politicized through culture and media narratives that promote specific body types, gender roles, or sexual orientations. These messages can perpetuate harmful stereotypes, normalize oppression, and silence marginalized voices. They can also contribute to the objectification and exploitation of sex workers, victims of abuse, and members of minority groups.

Erotic shame can be a powerful tool for political control and social manipulation. By understanding how it works and recognizing its roots in systemic oppression, we can resist its effects on our bodies and fantasies. We can develop healthy sexuality practices that prioritize pleasure, respect, and consent over shame and conformity.

How does erotic shame become internalized as a political tool, shaping how individuals police their own bodies and fantasies?

Erotic shame is often internalized when it becomes intertwined with cultural norms that reinforce negative attitudes towards sexuality, gender roles, and body image. This can lead individuals to policing their own desires and behaviors in order to conform to societal expectations, which can have detrimental effects on mental health and wellbeing.

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