What is jealousy and possessiveness in consensual non-monogamy?
Jealousy and possessiveness are common emotions that arise in monogamous relationships where one partner feels threatened by their partner's attraction to another person. In contrast, consensual non-monogamy involves an agreement between partners to have open relationships, meaning they can be sexually involved with multiple people without guilt or shame.
These emotions can still occur even in consensual non-monogamy relationships due to feelings of insecurity, fear of losing a partner, or insecurities around exclusivity.
Psychological processes underlying jealousy and possessiveness in consensual non-monogamy
There are several psychological processes that may underlie jealousy and possessiveness in consensual non-monogamous relationships. One such process is attachment theory, which suggests that individuals develop strong bonds with others based on their ability to provide care, support, and security. In consensual non-monogamous relationships, there is often a lack of clarity regarding the boundaries of each relationship, leading to increased anxiety about losing a partner to someone else. This feeling can result in jealousy or possessive behavior if not managed properly.
Another factor contributing to jealousy and possessiveness in consensual non-monogamy is insecurity and low self-esteem. When individuals feel less secure in themselves or their abilities to attract and maintain relationships, they may become more possessive or jealous when their partner expresses interest in other people.
Past experiences of rejection or abandonment can increase vulnerability to these negative emotions.
Social comparison theory also plays a role in jealousy and possessiveness in consensual non-monogamy. Individuals may compare their own relationship to those of others and worry that their partner will find someone better than them, leading to feelings of envy or inadequacy.
Understanding these psychological processes can help individuals manage jealousy and possessiveness in consensual non-monogamous relationships.
How to deal with jealousy and possessiveness in consensual non-monogamy
To address jealousy and possessiveness in consensual non-monogamy, it's essential to communicate openly and honestly with partners about fears and insecurities. Couples can set clear boundaries and expectations for their non-monogamous relationship, such as agreeing on what level of involvement with other partners is acceptable. It's also important to practice self-compassion and self-acceptance, recognizing that everyone has unique needs and desires and that no one person can meet all of them.
Seeking professional support, such as therapy, can provide additional guidance and support in managing these emotions.
What psychological processes underlie jealousy and possessiveness in consensually non-monogamous relationships?
The experience of jealousy and possessiveness can be understood through the lens of evolutionary psychology, attachment theory, and social cognition. Evolutionary psychologists have suggested that feelings of jealousy and possessiveness are rooted in our ancestral history as a way to protect resources such as mates, offspring, and territory from potential threats.