People often feel rejected when they don't get what they want from someone else. This can include romantic partners, friends, family members, colleagues, or even strangers. When this happens around sex, it's even more common to experience hurt feelings, anger, frustration, resentment, jealousy, guilt, confusion, fear, embarrassment, shame, sadness, loneliness, anxiety, depression, or hopelessness. In general, rejection is painful because humans are social creatures who crave connection with others. Being able to cope with sexual rejection without damaging self-esteem or relational trust is an important skill to develop. Here are some strategies that may help:
1) Understand why you were rejected: Were you rejected due to your appearance, personality, behavior, values, beliefs, or something else? Was it a one-time event or a pattern? Did they tell you their reasons for rejecting you or did you have to guess? What could you do differently next time? How much does their opinion matter to you? If you can't figure out why you were rejected or if there's nothing you could change, try to accept it and move on.
2) Identify the trigger: Think about what triggered the negative reaction. Maybe you asked for too much too soon or made them uncomfortable in some way. Perhaps they already had a partner or didn't see a future together. Maybe they felt threatened or intimidated by your interest or wanted more than just sex. Try not to blame yourself for things beyond your control.
3) Focus on the positives: Remember all the positive qualities you bring to relationships and remind yourself of them when feeling down. Find new ways to express those traits through other activities, such as hobbies, work, volunteering, sports, classes, clubs, travel, arts, etc. Reframe your perspective so you don't get stuck in self-pity. Remind yourself that everyone gets rejected sometimes.
4) Talk to someone: Open up to family members, friends, therapists, counselors, support groups, clergy, coaches, or mentors who understand your situation. They may offer helpful advice based on their own experiences. Don't bottle up feelings - keep them inside - since this can lead to depression, anxiety, or suicidal thoughts.
5) Learn from mistakes: Ask people you trust for feedback to learn how you could improve in the future. Be open-minded but avoid taking criticism personally. Avoid dwelling on past rejections or ruminating over 'what-ifs'. Move forward with confidence knowing that every experience is an opportunity for growth.
6) Take care of yourself: Exercise regularly, eat well, sleep enough, relax often, limit alcohol/drugs, maintain friendships, seek support, meditate, pray, read inspirational books, write in a journal, listen to music, enjoy hobbies, do fun activities, take breaks from social media, watch lighthearted shows, practice mindfulness, be kind to others, laugh at life's absurdities, etc. Avoid escaping into unhealthy habits like substance abuse, gambling, spending, or risky behavior.
7) Seek professional help: If you find it difficult to cope alone, reach out to mental health professionals who specialize in relationships and sexuality. They can provide tools to process emotions, explore underlying issues, develop coping skills, build self-esteem, create action plans, enhance communication skills, reduce stress levels, strengthen resilience, increase confidence, foster inner peace, clarify values, clarify goals, and address any other concerns.
Understanding why we are rejected and developing strategies for coping helps us stay balanced during challenging times. We must remember our worthiness as individuals regardless of what others say or do. By focusing on ourselves and seeking help when needed, we can overcome this painful obstacle and continue pursuing intimacy without harming our self-esteem or trustworthiness.
How do individuals cope with sexual rejection without damaging self-esteem or relational trust?
The most common strategies that people use to cope with sexual rejection are avoidance, denial, blame, and rationalization. Avoidance involves distancing oneself from the situation and avoiding any thoughts, feelings, or reminders of the rejection (e. g. , by changing one's routine). Denial involves minimizing or dismissing the importance of the rejection or shifting blame onto others.