Your body is not a transaction. You don't owe anyone access to it. Your pleasure is not a payment for that access. These are all basic truths about consent and autonomy.
The concept of bodily autonomy means that you have control over what happens to your own body - who touches it, how they touch it, when they touch it, why they touch it, and whether they touch it at all. It also means that you have the right to refuse touch from others without explanation. Bodily autonomy does not mean never being touched; rather, it means having the power to decide when and how to be touched.
Sexual autonomy is a subset of bodily autonomy, meaning that you are free to choose whether or not you engage in any form of sexual activity, including kissing, masturbation, intercourse, and everything in between. This includes choosing to have sex with someone or not, choosing to be intimate or not, choosing to share sexual feelings and desires, and choosing what turns you on (or off).
In relationships, both parties should respect each other's boundaries. If one person feels uncomfortable doing something, the other should stop immediately. For example, if you want to make out but your partner doesn't, then don't try to force them into it. Instead, talk to them about what makes them feel uncomfortable and work together to find a compromise.
Your pleasure is yours alone and no one else's. Sex should always be pleasurable and consensual, which means both partners must agree to participate. You may need time to warm up to certain acts before enjoying them, and that's okay. Don't let anyone pressure you into anything. If someone pressures you, leave. Consent is vital for healthy sex.
Social norms can lead people to believe they have certain rights over their partners' bodies, but this isn't true. No matter how much two people love each other, their bodies belong only to themselves - not to their friends, family members, coworkers, or society at large. Respect yourself and others by treating all people with dignity and kindness, as well as protecting your own bodily autonomy.
If a relationship has become abusive, seek help from trusted sources such as hotlines, therapists, counselors, police, shelters, or other organizations designed to support victims of domestic violence. The same goes for sexual assault - never ignore the red flags, report any suspicious behavior to authorities, and get medical care right away. Your body is precious; don't allow anyone to take advantage of it!
In conclusion, your body belongs to you, so guard its integrity fiercely. Do not allow others to violate your boundaries without your consent. Seek help if needed and remember that you deserve respect and safety at all times.
This article was written in response to a question asked on Quora about why some people view sex as transactional.