In human romantic relationships, there is a natural tendency to idealize and admire one's partner. This process is known as "ambivalence" and can create a powerful motivation for people to pursue and sustain their relationships. Ambivalence involves both positive and negative aspects of a relationship, such as its benefits and drawbacks. It also includes a recognition that even the most perfect partner may have flaws.
Ambivalence alone cannot keep a couple together without an accompanying feeling of attraction and desire for one another. Without this sexual engagement, ambivalence can become a source of conflict rather than a means of maintaining a healthy connection. So, what role does ambivalence play in sustaining sexual engagement?
The first factor in maintaining sexual engagement is attraction, which often arises from physical attraction but can also stem from intellectual, emotional, or spiritual compatibility. This initial stage of infatuation tends to last about six months before it begins to fade. During this time, partners must work hard to foster positive feelings towards each other while keeping their individual interests alive outside the relationship. If they fail to do so, they run the risk of falling into complacency, which could lead to a loss of interest in sex. Therefore, ambivalence becomes essential in helping them overcome challenges in the relationship while still enjoying each other's company.
When couples experience difficulties in their relationship, they may turn to ambivalence as a way to stay connected.
When faced with difficult decisions about children or finances, ambivalence allows them to see the situation from multiple perspectives. They might consider how much they love and admire each other despite these disagreements, allowing them to find solutions that benefit both parties. By appreciating their partner's strengths and weaknesses, they can continue to be attracted to them on multiple levels.
Another factor in sustaining sexual engagement over time is commitment. Commitment involves a willingness to invest in the relationship and make sacrifices for its success. Ambivalence can help couples remain committed by reminding them why they fell in love in the first place. It helps them remember that no one is perfect and that even their flaws are part of what makes them special. When partners recognize each other's imperfections, they can accept and celebrate them rather than resenting them. In this way, ambivalence helps keep them focused on the big picture rather than getting caught up in small arguments or frustrations.
Ambivalence also plays a role in maintaining sexual engagement through trust and security. Couples who have learned to trust each other deeply can enjoy more intimacy because they know their partner will never betray their trust. They also feel secure enough to take risks, such as trying new things sexually or sharing deep secrets. Trust and security are built on honesty, communication, and forgiveness. If either party breaks those values, it could damage the entire relationship. Ambivalence allows them to work through challenges without blame or resentment while staying open-minded about each other's needs and desires.
Ambivalence encourages growth within the relationship.
Most couples settle into comfortable routines and lose some of the excitement of early courtship. By appreciating their partner's strengths and weaknesses, they can find ways to continue growing together. This might involve learning new skills or hobbies or taking on new roles at home or work. By remaining engaged with each other, they can create an environment where both parties feel fulfilled and supported.
Ambivalence is essential for sustaining sexual engagement over time. It keeps couples focused on the long-term goals of their relationships while allowing them to appreciate their partners' imperfections. Through commitment, trust, and growth, ambivalence helps them build a lasting connection that goes beyond initial infatuation.
What role does admiration of ambition maintain sexual engagement over time?
The admiration for ambition serves as one of the factors that contribute to sustained sexual attraction between partners. Research has shown that individuals who share similar values and aspirations tend to have stronger bonds with each other compared to those with different goals (Sprecher & Felmlee, 1987).