The idea that people tend to form romantic bonds with those who fulfill their desires is well established, but why does this happen? Psychologists have found that certain mental processes are involved in forming these connections. In particular, researchers have identified three factors that play a role: attribution, social comparison, and cognitive dissonance.
Attribution theory explains how individuals attribute successes and failures to different causes. When it comes to sexual satisfaction, individuals may attribute failure to their partner's shortcomings or their own personal flaws. They may also attribute success to their partner or themselves. This leads them to view their partner positively or negatively based on whether they meet their needs.
If a person consistently has difficulty achieving orgasm during sex, they may blame their partner for being inattentive or incapable. Similarly, if they experience frequent pleasure during intimacy, they may praise their partner for being highly skilled or attuned to their needs.
Social comparison theory suggests that people compare themselves to others and make judgments based on those comparisons. When it comes to sex, individuals may evaluate their partner against an internal standard or compare them to other partners. If someone feels their partner is below average, they may dismiss them as unworthy of attention or admiration. Alternatively, if their partner exceeds expectations, they may see them as superior. These evaluations can lead to idealization or devaluation depending on the individual's perspective.
Cognitive dissonance arises when people hold two conflicting beliefs or values simultaneously. This often occurs when someone holds positive feelings towards a romantic partner while experiencing frustration with their sexual interactions. To resolve this conflict, they may change their evaluation of the relationship by either lowering their standards or increasing their affection. In some cases, people may even convince themselves that their partner is perfect despite evidence to the contrary.
These psychological mechanisms help explain why people tend to form connections with partners who fulfill their desires. By understanding how these processes work, couples can better navigate conflicts and maintain healthy relationships over time.
What psychological mechanisms underlie the tendency for individuals to idealize or devalue partners based on the fulfillment or frustration of their sexual expectations?
The cognitive mechanism of "confirmation bias" is responsible for the tendency for individuals to idealize or devalue partners based on the fulfillment or frustration of their sexual expectations. Confirmation bias is the tendency to seek out and interpret information that confirms one's existing beliefs and attitudes while ignoring or downplaying information that contradicts them.