The idea that men who are about to deploy on a dangerous mission might have sex beforehand to distract themselves from their fears is an old one. But do these pre-deployment rituals really help? And how do women cope with the emotional demands of such situations? To answer these questions, I interviewed soldiers' wives and veterans for this long article about the intersection between military service, love, lust, warfare, anxiety, and trauma. Some people said they had sex right before deployment to feel more alive, while others said it was a way to show their partner they still cared. While some people felt guilty afterward for being selfish, others were grateful for the time together. The common denominator among those who talked to me was that sex was often the only thing they could control when everything else seemed out of their hands.
One soldier told me he had sex with his girlfriend every night before shipping out because "it's the only way to keep her close." Another woman admitted she started having sex with her husband again after many years apart because she wanted to create memories in case something happened during his next tour. It's hard to say whether any of this helps reduce stress or makes things better, but it does seem like a natural reaction to extreme circumstances.
I explore the role of sexual intimacy in relationships where partners may be separated by thousands of miles, which can be difficult at best. One man explained that although his wife wasn't there physically, he would always remember the last time they made love as if it were a final goodbye. This sentiment was echoed by another couple who described their marriage as "a rollercoaster" due to constant deployments and separations. Even though they didn't see each other much, their relationship remained strong because of the special moments they shared when they did have time together. But what about those who don't have such happy endings? How do couples handle long-term separation and its potential impact on their emotional connection? According to psychologist Dr. Sarah Steinmetz, some soldiers experience post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) after coming home from war that manifests itself as difficulty with intimacy and trust issues. She suggests couples attend therapy sessions to talk through these challenges and rebuild their bond over time.
I discuss how military culture views sexuality and intimacy compared to civilian life. Some people feel like their service obligation trumps all else - including family - while others are more open about their desires for pleasure and companionship. A former marine told me she wanted to wait until her husband came back from deployment before having sex again, but he insisted on doing so during his leave because "it's just part of being a soldier." The conversation got tense, but eventually, they both agreed on what works best for them. For many, the idea of being alone with no one knowing what will happen next is an overwhelming thought. And for those in committed relationships, making peace with this reality can be difficult too.
However, it seems that regardless of whether you choose to engage in pre-deployment sex or not, dealing with anxiety and trauma are universal experiences among veterans and their loved ones.
How does anticipation of deployment or high-risk missions influence sexual and emotional prioritization?
The experience of anticipating deployment or high-risk missions can impact an individual's sexual and emotional priorities in various ways, depending on their personal background and circumstances. Anticipating these events may trigger feelings of excitement, anxiety, and uncertainty about what lies ahead, which can make it difficult for individuals to focus on everyday tasks such as work, socializing with friends, or engaging in romantic relationships.