Fetishes are often misunderstood as specific preferences that people have for particular body parts, objects, clothes, activities, smells, sounds, etc.
They can also include actions like initiation, which involves taking control or leadership in a relationship. Some people find it exciting to be dominated or submissive during sex but still feel empowered when they initiate sex themselves. Others enjoy being taken charge of or seduced but get turned on by initiating sex themselves. Initiation is an integral part of many kinks and fetishes, including roleplaying, BDSM, domination/submission, bondage, and more. This essay will explore why partners sometimes fetishize the very act of initiative itself as erotic.
Initiation is the act of starting something, especially something new or unfamiliar, without waiting for someone else to take the lead. It takes courage, assertiveness, confidence, and self-assurance to initiate sex or anything else. When someone initiates sex or intimacy, they're usually seen as confident, sexy, and dominant. They may even feel more masculine or feminine if they're traditionally viewed as the opposite gender. This can create sexual tension and arousal between partners, making them crave more intimate experiences with each other.
Partners who don't typically initiate may see it as taboo or forbidden. They may fantasize about being approached or pursued instead of doing the chasing themselves. They may find it thrilling to be led into bed or overpowered in some way. They may even want their partner to show aggression towards them during sex, such as slapping or spanking. These power dynamics can enhance sexual pleasure and increase the intensity of orgasmic sensations.
People have a specific preference for the person who initiates, such as being submissive only to certain types of people.
They might enjoy submitting to their boss but not to friends or family members. Or they might like to initiate with someone they don't know well, such as on a first date or at a party. Initiating can also be used as an expression of power play, where one partner dominates another to get what they want (e.g., coercive control). Some partners may use initiation to express dominance/submission roles outside of sex, like by ordering take-out food or cleaning up after dinner. Others may use it to explore different sides of their personalities, acting out roles that are normally suppressed.
Fetishizing initiation is due to psychological issues, trauma, or repressed desires.
Someone who has been abused or mistreated may associate initiation with control, domination, and power. They may view their partner as the antagonist or oppressor rather than a lover or friend. This can lead to feelings of fear, anxiety, guilt, shame, and anger, making it difficult to initiate intimacy without feeling guilty or ashamed. It may also involve roleplaying fantasies involving rape, kidnapping, or other nonconsensual acts.
Couples therapy can help address these issues and provide support for healing. Therapists can work with clients to identify triggers, develop new coping strategies, and build trust within the relationship. By exploring past experiences and current attitudes towards intimacy, couples can work together to create healthy boundaries and communication patterns around sex. If both partners are willing to work together, this can improve intimacy and satisfaction in all aspects of their lives.
Why do partners sometimes fetishize the very act of initiative itself as erotic?
Some experts suggest that fetishizing the act of initiating sex may be rooted in power dynamics between partners, particularly when one partner takes on a more dominant role while the other becomes submissive. By performing this behavior, both parties can express their desires and build trust through intimacy. It is also possible that certain cultural norms about gender roles, such as men being expected to take on a more active sexual role, play a part in this phenomenon.