When military members return home after deployment, their minds may be changed from the experience they went through. This can affect their relationship with their partner significantly, requiring them to work through recalibrating it. Military life is an incredibly unique environment where people are exposed to many things that shape their worldview, belief system, and values. In order for partners to effectively navigate this new territory, there must be open communication about what has changed within the soldier's mindset.
The first thing soldiers returning home need to do is acknowledge that their experiences have caused changes in their thought process. They must be willing to discuss these changes with their partner without getting defensive or upset if their partner does not understand or agree with their perspective. It can take time for partners to adjust to these changes, but once they know what has happened and why their spouse thinks differently now, they will better comprehend how to approach certain situations.
If a soldier believes violence is always necessary for justice, then he/she might become irritable when his/her partner disagrees with him/her on political topics involving violence. If the soldier acknowledges that he/she saw many atrocities during war, though, then the partner can try to empathize more deeply with that viewpoint rather than argue against it outright.
The second step of relational recalibration involves understanding each other's priorities. Soldiers often prioritize family above all else because they want to protect their loved ones from harm. When they come back home, however, they may find themselves having difficulty adjusting back into civilian life and feel unfulfilled by domesticity. This can lead to resentment towards their partner if they don't show appreciation for the sacrifices made while deployed or seem too carefree compared to before deployment. Partners should strive to recognize the difference between their partner being distant due to PTSD symptoms versus them no longer caring about the relationship; this requires patience and open communication so both parties know exactly where one another stand.
Ethical perspectives can also shift after military service - especially those who experienced combat directly or witnessed atrocities firsthand. A veteran could develop an intense hatred for certain groups or ways of thinking based on their experiences abroad, which would make it hard to maintain relationships outside of work without causing friction within their marriage. Their partner must be willing to discuss these differences in opinion and explore compromises where possible; otherwise, the relationship will suffer greatly over time.
A soldier might have difficulty relating to peaceniks because of his/her exposure to violence on the frontlines, but if he/she can express what he/she saw and why it changed him/her so profoundly then partners can understand that viewpoint better.
Military members need to be aware of how much recalibration is needed when returning home from deployment. They should communicate openly with each other about any changes in thought process or values that happened during their absence, acknowledge each other's priorities despite feeling dissatisfied with domesticity upon return, and attempt to find common ground regarding differing moral perspectives. With effort on both sides, couples can navigate this difficult transition together successfully by finding solutions tailored towards their specific situation.
How do partners navigate relational recalibration when soldiers' worldviews, priorities, and ethical perspectives have shifted?
Psychologically, relational recalibration can be challenging for both parties in a military relationship. The transition from combat to civilian life can lead to adjustment issues, including identity crisis, anxiety, depression, and isolation. Soldiers may experience difficulty readjusting to family roles and responsibilities after months of living in close quarters with their fellow soldiers, which can create tension and conflict within the relationship.